Numbers

Numbers used to rule my life. Whether it was the number on the scale, the number on the tag in my jeans or the amount of miles I ran each week, I lived by them. I relentlessly pursued perfection by using numbers as milestones. If I could weigh a certain amount, wear a certain size or boast a certain 5K time, I was bound to be happy.

Right?

Wrong.

It was an empty pursuit. I didn't find perfection when I hit the milestones I set. Numbers didn't make me love myself. In fact, quite the opposite happened on many occasions. If the dreaded weigh ins did not reflect the desired result, I plunged deeper into self-loathing. If I didn't PR (personal record in running lingo) at every race I ran, I was a complete and utter FAILURE. If I DID hit my goal of weight, size or speed, my happiness was fleeting. In that split second, I felt the excitement of achieving something I had worked so hard for, but it never lasted. Like an addict with their drug of choice, I was on to the next weight goal, the next size down, the next fastest time.

After hitting rock bottom, I realized I had to let the numbers GO. They weren't serving me. They only served to LIMIT me. I finally understood that that it didn't matter how much I weighed, what size I wore, or how fast I ran. The only metric that I could possibly rely on was how much love I could give my body and my soul. I had to stop DOING and start BEING.

Maybe you are like I was back then. Maybe you have all of your hopes hung on a number. Maybe you are obsessively measuring calories burned or calories consumed. Maybe you have put your life on hold until your "number" comes up.

But the thing is, when it does, you'll find something else to criticize, something else to blame, something else that you find unacceptable. We strive for the holy grail of impeccability and are so busy trying to achieve that we forget to enjoy the journey. We can't celebrate who we are, because we are too consumed with TRYING TO GET SOMEWHERE.

Let it go. Just stop striving and trying so damn hard. Decide that today is the day you will choose differently. Today can be the day that you celebrate where you are.

And you are so much more than a number.