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Friday, January 27, 2012

Cyndi Lou, Cyndi Lou, Wherefore Art Thou?

"It is good to feel lost... because it proves you have a navigational sense of where "Home" is.  You know that a place that feels like being found exists.  And maybe your current location isn't that place but, Hallelujah, that unsettled, uneasy feeling of lost-ness just brought you closer to it." -- Erika Harris

Today is January 27, 2012.

This is only my SECOND blog entry of the year.

I was going through my email the other day clicking on links to other people's blogs (of all things).

And then, it occurred to me the other day that I couldn't remember the last time I blogged.  
Weird, right?  I mean, I was on a ROLL.  What happened to my rambling?  No rants or rebuilding??

And the running!  Oh, what of the RUNNING???

Well, there's been a little bit of everything thrown in there, but perhaps not as much as I'm accustomed to.  I figured I'd end the three week blogging layoff by exploring "the 4 R's" that comprise my blog's title and exploring how I feel about each one.

Here goes...


I'm pretty sure I still do my fair share of that, as I've been told that I could talk a dog off a meat wagon.  But, as I go through life and traverse the road to personal growth, I've learned the importance of saying LESS and listening MORE.  This does not come easy for me as I like to "blah, blah, blah".  I love to be the center of attention and I love to flex my "know it all muscles" whenever possible (I know that sounds pretty arrogant, but it's true).  However, this expression has come to mind lately:  God gave you TWO ears and ONE mouth, which means you should listen twice as much as you talk.  Hmmmmm.  Makes sense, doesn't it?  I mean, I wonder, just how much good stuff have I been missing out on because I don't want to shut my yap?  I suppose the beauty of blogging is that it's like my one woman show, right?  My own personal monologue?  If I have TWO ears, ONE mouth, and TEN fingers, well, then, the sky's the limit!!!  Blog on, Cyndi Lou.


Defined:  To speak or write in an angry manner; rave.  To utter or express with violence or extravagance.  A speech or piece of writing that incites anger or violence.


I think the only word of value there would be "extravagance".  I don't like to think of myself as "chronically" angry, and I certainly don't want to incite anger or violence in my blog.  I think the world is angry enough without me adding to it.  But, perhaps, it's possible to keep the rants "playful"; you know, "rant and rave" about...oh, happy stuff.  I can rave, utter and express with extravagance.  I believe Abraham-Hicks calls that a "Rampage of Appreciation".  Yeah.  That sounds good.  Maybe I can rant like THAT.


That's a process that is just ongoing, or at least it should be.  I worked for a trucking company in my first year of college and my most vivid memory was something my boss at the time said to me:  when you're green, you're growing; when you're ripe, you rot.  Quite the picture, eh?  Pretty powerful statement, isn't it?  Will we ever come to completion?  Will we see all of our hopes and dreams come to fruition, never daring to hope and dream again???  I suppose that, if and when that happens, that would mean we would transition out of this time space reality once and for all.  You're never going to get it done and you can't get it wrong (also a tasty Abraham-Hicks nugget).  Just when you manifest one of your desires, you'll feel another one pop up almost instantly.  We're not meant to stand still; to be static and unchanging.  There will always be breaking down and building up to do.  At least while we draw breath.

In 2011, I ran over 2,300 miles.  It was a personal best for me.  I ended up averaging +/- 45 miles per week.  I tend to be a creature of habit.  Once I get into a routine, I feel duty bound to it.  I assume a sense of responsibility to adhere to the schedule.  I have been doing two marathons a year since 2008.  My life has been repeated cycles of train for 20-24 weeks and then rest/recover for 4-6 weeks.  Lather, rinse and repeat.  Since I ran the Chicago Marathon, I've been sorta winging it.  I did that half-hearted bid to train for Honolulu, but it didn't "feel right", so I abandoned ship.  Since then, I've allowed life to just "happen".  If I have an opportunity to go away for a romantic weekend with my husband, I go...even if it means missing out on a Sunday morning run.  If I have an opportunity to attend an out of state conference (i.e. AdvoCare Success School), I go...even if it means not running for two days in a row.  In the past, these things would have me unbearably rattled.  Now, they just...are what they are.  Running will always be there and I believe in my heart that I will always love and have a passion for it.  But, maybe, I need to add a 5th "R" to my blog:  RELAXING.  When I decided to stop resisting the flow of life and live more "moment to moment", something shifted in my personality.  I feel the old "all or nothing/perfectionist" part of me has been minimized considerably.  I think I like it.
To sum it all up, maybe I don't rant, ramble, rebuild and run like I used to, but maybe I'm just learning how to rant, ramble, rebuild and run better.  Maybe I'm not as "lost" or "disconnected" from who I think I am at all.  

Maybe I just haven't finished shedding my skin yet.

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." -- Henry David Thoreau

Friday, January 6, 2012

Random Acts of Rambling

The next time you come in contact with an angry person, picture them not as cantankerous, ornery or mean.  Instead, see them as the frightened child they really are.  That way, you will feel only compassion towards them, as opposed to becoming defensive.  Anger originates from fear, and 99.9% of the time, that fear has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, but EVERYTHING TO DO WITH THEM.

I wasn't supposed to be a healthy, strong athlete.  At age 20, I was a cigarette smoker who didn't exercise and was toting around more weight than I needed.  Isn't it nice to know that we aren't "supposed" to be anything forever?  We get to choose all day, every day; minute by minute, moment by moment.  I am not ashamed of who I was and where I came from.  I am just very proud of who and where I now am.

The beauty of forgiving and loving someone?  It doesn't have to be reciprocated for you to benefit from it.  I had a personal relationship come to a screeching halt recently.  At first, I got angry and tried the old "talk to the hand/screw you" routine.  And then, I got real.  I decided I was hurt.  Not only was I hurt, but it was okay that I be hurt.  When you lose something or someone important, the only thing to do is grieve.  So, I grieved the loss of my friend.  I felt the sadness.  I let myself go through all of that.  I have since forgiven.  I continue to forgive everyday, because I choose to.  And I will love.  Even if I am not loved back.

Tis the season to be busy...fa la la la la la laaaaaa.  I work in the fitness industry and "tourist season" is in full swing.  We sort of joke about it since it's the same situation every year:  people come in droves only to leave the same way weeks, or days, later.  I love what I do and I'm thankful that I'm in the position to help people.  I can help you with an exercise plan.  I can help you find healthy food to eat.  I can help you find ways to take better care of yourself.  But, I can't fix YOU.  I can't fix the deep seated anxiety, fear, or self-loathing.  Only YOU can do that.  Only YOU can fix what is broken.  Until that happens, my hands are tied.

Today is my first early shift back to work.  I have been enjoying sleeping as long as I want, without having to set the alarm.  I have had lots of animosity towards the 6-2ish shifts that I am scheduled for.  I prefer waking up when my body says it's time and doing my run/workout before I start my day.  In times past, I *probably* took it out on the members a teeny, weeny bit, without meaning to (i.e. what the f**k is wrong with you???  Why can't you sleep until a decent hour like a normal person?!?!?) But, it is as it should be, and this is when I am needed to be here.  So, my cell alarm rang at 4:49 a.m. (what can I say?  I'm quirky).  I hit snooze once, then got up, dressed, brushed my teeth, splashed water on my face, made my spark and left the house between 5:10-5:15.  I got here 10 minutes before opening and had plenty of time to get myself settled.  As I began to settle in, I noticed something:  I felt light, calm and relaxed.  I was...happy.  I have been in a good mood all day.  This has been an unexpected blessing.  Maybe I should just start expecting blessings more often. 

Quote of the Day:

"May the sun shine, all day long, everything go right, and nothing wrong.  May those you love bring love back to you, and may all the wishes you wish come true!" -- Irish Blessing