My Hometown: Plaistow 5K Race Report

"Last night I sat him up behind the wheel and said son take a good look around.  This is your hometown."
-- Bruce Springsteen

On June 28, 2003, I ran my first ever road race:  The 23rd Annual Plaistow Old Home Day 5K.  My official time was 25:14.  I paced off of my friend, Sue Wentworth (who taught me an awful lot about running):

http://www.coolrunning.com/results/03/nh/Jun28_23rdAn_set1.shtml

I received my first running trophy EVER at this race for 1st place NOVICE female.  Imagine that?  Not bad for a first timer.

 

I've done numerous 5K's, 5 milers, 1/2 marathons and marathons since that day.  This is the only race that I have done every year, without fail.  It's special for a couple of reasons.  First, it's the anniversary of my introduction into road racing.  Secondly, it's in Plaistow, NH, the place I have called home for over 17 years now.  But, it's not just about a 5K.  It is part of the Plaistow Old Home Days, which celebrates the town.  You can read more about it here:

http://www.plaistowoldhomeday.net

It's like a slice of small-town America, which is really neat.  There is a parade that happens on Old Home Day, right around 2 p.m.  The route goes right by my street, so my neighbors and I always take chairs down to the end of the road and watch the fire trucks, police cars, Shriners and marching bands.  It lasts for about an hour and is always lots of fun.

The 5K was this past Saturday, 6/25/11.  My friends Gina, Christina, Matt and his sister, Jillian, joined me for the race this year (I like to travel with a posse).  The weather was very sketchy at first.  I awoke to the loud, booming sound of thunderstorms around 5:30 a.m.  I had heard we may have some wet weather, but that it should clear up enough by the time the gun went off at 9.  Everyone arrived at my house between 7:30 and 7:45.  The thunder and lightning had pretty much ceased, but the rain was still falling, moderately at times.  However, runners are a tough bunch.  It would take a lot more than a little rain to keep us from getting out there.

I live less than 1/2 mile from the finish line of the 5K, which is the location of the town hall.  We walked down to pick up our t-shirts & bibs.  The benefit of being so close is we could bring everything back to my place, take care of our last minute "bathroom business" and then leave from my house to do our warm-up.  Matt, Christina and I went out to run 16-18 easy minutes.  Gina and Jillian decided they'd just walk back down.  After our respective warm-ups, we met up at the starting line with about 10-15 minutes to spare.  As we all congregated at the start line, we were asking each other about time goals for the 5K.  I hadn't done a race this short in distance since July 2010.  I had done a couple high intensity track workouts with my friend, Leigh, prior to this weekend, but have been in total marathon mode, racking up 50 mile weeks and focusing on long runs.  Matt said he wanted to break 23 minutes so, in the back of my head, I figured I could use him as a pace car.

We wished each other well and got ready to run.  The gun went off at 9:02 and so did we.  Now, normally when I run, I do not pay attention.  I've done many races where people will ask me, "so what was the course like?"  And I just look at them, blankly, while shrugging my shoulders.  This is the one exception to the rule.  These are roads that I train on ALL the time.  I've run on them several times a week for the past 8.5 years.  I knew exactly what to expect and the nature of the course.  The first mile is flat to downhill, second mile is more uphill and the third mile is mostly flat to downhill.  I checked my split at the 1M marker:  7:05.  I was huffing and puffing, but my legs felt strong.  I could still see Matt, which was a relief.  As I mentioned, the middle mile is a bit challenging because it's a gradual incline that doesn't provide much in the way of recovery.  It's almost like a false flat at times.  You don't really SEE the hills, but you can FEEL them.  At the top of West Pine was the 2M marker:  7:09.  Only 1.1 miles to the finish.  I knew the first .2 of the last full mile was still a gradual climb, but that a .5 mile gradual downhill awaited me on the other side.  It was around this time that I closed the gap and ran slightly off of Matt's right shoulder.  Sensing my presence, he gave me a thumbs up.  I returned the gesture and focused on the task at hand:  getting to that finish line.

It couldn't have gone any better.  And the best part is, we didn't plan it that way at all.  I would edge out in front a bit, then he would take the lead for a little while.  We went back and forth this way until the last tenth of a mile.  We turned it on here as best we could and came through the corral.  High fiving each other, we walked it out for a bit, trying to catch our breath.  Christina, Jillian and Gina came in shortly afterward.  We all had pretty good days and, oddly enough, it ended up being near perfect running weather; cool and cloudy with a light mist/drizzle that fell in the first half mile.

After Matt, Christina and I went on our cool-down run, the preliminary race results were posted.  Matt ran a 22:23 and I clocked in at 22:25, only four seconds slower than my 2010 Plaistow time.  Here is the link for the 2011 race results:

 

http://www.coolrunning.com/results/11/nh/Jun25_31thPl_set1.shtml

I was quite pleased, considering I really didn't know what to expect.  I had been in kind of a "racing funk" for a while.  Taking some time off and just focusing on training runs seemed to help.  Now, I'm excited about the summer racing season again and am already looking towards my next race; a 5K on Sunday, July 10th in Wakefield, MA.

It's always nice to run well and finish strong, no matter where I race, but when it's in your hometown, it's even more meaningful.  Since 2005, I've been able to finish in the top four of my age group.  This year, I placed 2nd in the F20-39 division.  I'll be turning 40 in December, so to celebrate my last year with an age group award was very special.  Another piece of hardware for the collection:

Thanks to my friends, Christina, Gina, Matt and Jillian, for sharing this special event with me, the Plaistow Lions Club for organizing this event and the Town of Plaistow, for all you do in making Old Home Days special and fun.

See you next year...in the MASTERS DIVISION!!!!

Things I'd Say if I Was On Twitter

That's not entirely true.

Technically, I DO have a twitter account.  Someone must have sent me an invite to join at some point and I just said, "ah, what the hell." 

I can't tell you the last time I "tweeted".  In fact, it's been so long, I don't even think I remember my password.  I couldn't "tweet" if I wanted to, most likely.

But, every now and again, I'll get emails telling me that "so and so is following you" on Twitter.  Those poor bastards.  They must be SOOOOOOOOO bored with me.

However, facebook is a different story.  I've logged on to that site daily for, well, as long as I've had a page.  Like 40 is the new 20, facebook is the new myspace.  Seems like EVERYONE has their own facebook account now.  I used to be a rabid Mafia Wars player, so I spent a ton of time on there for that purpose.  Now, I just check in everyday to see what everyone is up to.  I'll post youtube vids, links I find useful and the occasional "what's on my mind".  At the risk of pissing off the +/- 400 friends that I have accumulated, I try to limit the status updates to 1-2x's a day, unless it's something that's WICKED important.  After all, I might be tickled about the cocoa krispies I had for breakfast but, quite frankly, I don't think anyone else really cares.

This is where the whole "tweeting" thing would come in handy.  If you're "following" me, then you must want to know what I'm up to.  The good, the bad AND the ugly.   The interesting and the mundane. 

Right? 

Just today, I had a flood of one-three line phrases that just sailed in and out of my head.  We'll call them "the tweets that never were":


Confirmation that I'm not adopted:  Today I opened up my mouth and heard my mother.  It was like I was CHANNELING her.  Can you channel people who are still living?

I crack myself up all the time.  I don't think anyone else finds me as funny as I find myself.  Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be.

Today, I actually opted to listen to "Me and Julio Down By the Schoolyard" by Paul Simon instead of "All I Want is You" by U2 on my drive home.  I'm still not sure what that was about.

A breaker must have tripped over the weekend, resulting in the treadmill's built-in televisions not working.  This was for the first two hours we were open.  Major TRAUMA for the members.  People just don't how to walk, jog or run anymore unless they're watching VH1 or The Food Network.

No running for me since Mondays are my rest day.  At first I thought it was a waste to skip it on such a beautiful day.  Then, common sense took over and I decided sitting outside with a glass of wine would be just as good.  Plus, my mascara won't run.

I'd like to seamlessly transition from heartbreak to friendly appreciation without detouring down Apathy Avenue.  Hate gets a bad rap.  You don't "hate" someone that you still don't care for in some way.  It's impossible.  But, to not care if someone lives or dies is a completely different story. 

Two of the clients I trained today were men.  I crammed as much stuff as I possibly could into their 30 minute sessions, thinking I was doing them a favor.  Between the frequent water breaks, profuse sweating and pauses to catch their breath, I may have overdone it.  Just a wee bit.

One of our members, who is dealing with the onset of dementia, came out of the locker room today, asking my boss for help to turn the shower on.  After patiently explaining to him that she could not go in the men's locker room to turn it on for him, she found a male in the weightroom to help.  Hell, we're just glad he remembered to put his pants back on before he came out to ask.

People feel the need to justify why they "can't" do something.  Can't?  More like "won't".  You know, it's okay to just admit you either a) don't like it or b) have no interest in learning.  There is no reason to construct an elaborate scenario.  I've worked in fitness since 1993 and have tried everything from step to spinning.  However, you won't catch me in a Zumba class.  EVER.  No thanks.  Not interested.  End of story.

And, finally:

I had Cocoa Krispies for breakfast this morning.  They were DELICIOUS.

A little bit of this...a little bit of that

"You learn something every day if you pay attention." -- Ray LeBlond


Nothing feels as good as paying someone else a compliment.  I sent an email to two of my class participants this morning, letting them both know how proud I was of the progress they have made on their path to health and wellness.  I received a reply from one of them shortly after that was just GUSHING with appreciation.  People love compliments, especially when they're true.  But, the best part?  How you'll FEEL by making someone else's day.  You end up really making your own.  I'm still smiling.  :-)

Some of the best things in my life have come out of heartbreak and disappointment.  Remember when your first love broke your heart?  I know I do.  You swore you'd never get over it.  I know I did.  But you and I both did.  When you're in the midst of a very troubling and traumatic experience, it's practically impossible to know that this will turn out alright in the end.  But it does.  It always does.  When you are able to look back and bless the contrast instead of curse it, you will know it has served you well.

I love professional sports.  New England has been my place of residence since November 1979, so I'm a total homer:  New England Patriots, Boston Bruins, Boston Red Sox and Boston Celtics, in that order (Basketball just...doesn't really do it for me, I confess.  Plus everyone travels.  Just sayin'.).  So, you can imagine how excited I was to see the Boston Bruins win their FIRST Stanley Cup since 1972.  I am very happy the Bruins won.  However, I am NOT happy that the Vancouver Canucks lost, nor do I think it's right or fair to criticize the fans, some of whom decided to start rioting and acting destructive.  No one, or place, is immune to that kind of behavior.  Who is to say that some folks in and around Boston wouldn't have reacted similarly if we didn't have the best goaltender in the NHL?  I love my home, but I'm not going to hate on others.  I feel we can all benefit from practicing good sportsmanship by respecting your opponent.

Running has taught me so much.  It has taught me to pace myself on the road, but also in life.  I've learned, through this fine art of movement, to go with the flow and take what it, and life, gives me.  Running has also taught me to appreciate the underrated experience of SOLITUDE.  I'm an extroverted person, by nature, and always surrounded myself with people, in work and in play.  The more I got serious about my training, the more I found myself pounding the pavement alone.  Instead of feeling lonely, I felt rejuvenated and learned I really liked my own company; I began to look forward to my solo runs.  I still enjoy personal relationships and socializing with others.  But, I love my "me" time too.  It's become essential to my well-being.  

I believe it feels good to accept, appreciate and love.  It doesn't feel good to criticize, judge and condemn.  Does that mean I'm better, more enlightened or smarter than anyone else?  No.  It only means that I'm paying attention.  Not sure if you're saying or doing the "right thing"?  Stop for a moment.  How does it FEEL?  Does putting someone else down make you smile?  How about refusing to accept the choices someone makes?  Does that make your heart sing?  That's it.  That's all you need to do.  It's a lot easier than we think to be tuned in.  Let your emotions be your guide.

Being a chick can be fun.  I like getting all prettied up as much as the next person (hence my shoe posts on facebook), but I find I don't always make it a priority.  I get massages once a month and facials every twelve weeks, but those are more for therapeutic/medicinal purposes.  A full body 90 minute session with the MT really helps me stay injury free and relaxed, which is important when you train for marathons.  The facials are essential to keeping my skin healthy (I had cystic acne in high school and college, but you would never know it because my esthetician is just that AWESOME).  However, I haven't had my hair done since FEBRUARY.  It's now the middle of JUNE.  So, I decided to go all out and scheduled a hair appointment AND a pedicure for myself this Saturday.  That's....tomorrow.  Here's hoping all of my toenails have grown back in by then.
 
I like eating salad, drinking lots of water and exercising (obviously).  I also enjoy eating pizza, drinking wine and sitting on my a$$ watching football.  There is room for everything in life.  I think it's okay to be healthy by being a little "unhealthy" from time to time.  We have grown accustomed to conditions, limits and rules, to a fault.  The fitness industry is a great one in which to work, but I don't always align with it.  It can be preachy, judgmental and rigid, prone to an "all or nothing" mentality.  I wonder if sometimes, people NEED to be restricted and scared straight because they just don't trust themselves to do the "right" thing which, incidentally, will not be the same thing for everyone.  I don't want to beat people down and shame them into changing their behavior.  I just want to help people learn how to love movement and, well, just to feel good about who they are. 

I'll drink to that.

"I have found that if you love life, life will love you back." -- Arthur Rubinstein

Cyndi Springford's Top Ten

"Music is what feelings sound like." -- Author Unknown

I can't imagine a day without music.  It's been a part of my daily life for as long as I can remember. 

Music can transport you back to a moment in time, like magic.  Ever heard a song that reminded you of something or someone?  All of a sudden, you smell the smells, you feel the feelings, and you experience it again.

Pretty powerful stuff. 

One of the best inventions, IMHO, is the iPod.  I have an old school 8GB Nano that I use for classes, running and hanging around the house.  According to my iTunes library, I have 12 days worth of music.  I can listen to music for about 288 consecutive hours and not hear the same song twice.

Yes, I'm a bit of a fanatic.

Aside from using playlists for certain occasions, like spinning or muscle classes, I enjoy just putting the iPod on shuffle and letting the chips, or songs, fall as they may.  It's a random kind of thing.

Or IS it???

Sometimes, I think the iPod has a mind and a personality of its own.  It definitely seems to have it's own "go to" list of songs it likes to pick out.  Then again, there are other times, when it seems to zone in on my own brainwaves and selects the tunes that speak to my mood.  Thanks to modern technology, I can actually go into my iTunes Library and see how many times each song was played. 

So, without further ado, I give you Cyndi Springford's Top Ten iPod Songs:

10)  Smack My B***h Up -- Prodigy.  Okay, so they say a bad word.  Or maybe they're just talking about a female dog.  But, I doubt it.  Every now and again, I try to sneak it into one of my classes to see if anyone notices what they're saying.  I like the aggressive, techno beat a LOT.  So does my iPod.  It's been played 128 times. 

09)  Sound of Settling -- Death Cab For Cutie.  Talk about musical whiplash, going from Prodigy to this.  But, then again, variety is the spice of life.  Benjamin Gibbard's voice is smooth as silk (and he's a sub 4 hour marathoner, just in case you didn't know).  This jaunty lil' nugget is only two minutes and 17 seconds long, but it's pure perfection.  I can't stop bouncing up and down whenever I hear it.  And, according to Apple, I've also heard this tune 128 times.

08)  Pump It Up -- Elvis Costello.  I think Elvis (aka Declan McManus) and I were lovers in a previous life.  Or maybe I'm just obsessed.  Who says women don't make passes at men who wear glasses???  His songs always "get me right here", whether it be his upbeat, angst ridden compositions or the heartwrenching ballads he's so adept at crafting.  Cyndilou's iPod has selected this anthem 136 times.  I have no doubt I can listen to it 136 times more.

07)  What's So Funny 'Bout Peace, Love and Undestanding -- Elvis Costello.  After my declaration of undying devotion, are you REALLY surprised that EC is doing double duty in my Top Ten?  I should say not.  This is my FAVORITE Elvis song.  Kind of ironic, since it was written by Nick Lowe.  But, I think this is the version that everyone knows best.  And I know it alright.  Like "Pump It Up", I've heard it 136 times. 

06)  Bang On! -- The Propellerheads.  This is a GREAT tune to run, spin, and lift weights to and, well, I guess just about anything else that gets your heart rate up and blood pumping.  I heard this song in my friend, Ned's, spinning class years ago and loved it instantly.  It's got a good driving beat.  I don't have an extensive electronic collection, but if this is any representation of the genre, I just might expand it some.  The iPod likes this enough to play it 147 times.  Well, we both do.

05)  Bled For Days -- Static-X.  I know it's hard to believe that a petite, delicate flower such as myself would like something as down and dirty as this, but I do (hope you got your boots on, 'cause I'm layin' it on pretty thick here).  I love the guitars.  I love the screaming.  I love the rapid fire spewing forth of lyrics.  153 times and counting.  Fasten your seat belt, folks. 

04)  Starlight -- Muse.  These guys formed their band back in 1994, but it seems like they really burst on the scene just a few short years ago.  And in those few short years, they have taken the music world by storm.  This is a perfect example of music's power to transport you back in time.  Whenever I hear it, I'm reminded of a time in my life where I was just starting to come into my own.  It's also a beautiful song that the iPod and I have enjoyed 155 times.

03)  Hip Hop (Rock Remix) -- Static-X.  The wild and crazy guys are back at it again, bringing us rap and rock fusion at its finest.  161 glorious eargasms here.  I have to stifle a giggle when I look at the genre that Apple has assigned to this tune:  Power Ballad.  Not exactly what I'd call it, but what do I know?  What do you think?

02)  Machete -- Moby.  Speaking of electronic, I bow to the greatness that is Moby.  I actually won tickets to see him perform at the House of Blues in Boston a couple of years ago.  I liked him before, but loved him after.  He is a musical genius:  sings and plays keyboard, guitar, bass guitar and drums.  Talk about a one man band.  I love this song for spinning and 5K's.  I guess I run and spin an lot.  167 listens for song number two.

Now, the moment you've been waiting for...

The NUMBER ONE iPod SONG, with 172 plays IS:

01)  Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck -- Prong.  You may not know this about me, but I was a TOTAL metalhead in high school.  Those of you who are friends with me on facebook have seen my wild and crazy 80's outfits, with all the bandanas, leather boots and jacket and big hair.  My outfits were a hybrid of Fredericks' of Hollywood and Motortrend.  Okay, maybe I exaggerate a little.  Let me say that you can take the girl out of the teen metal years, but you can't take the teen metal years out of the girl.  I pride myself on diversity, but there's just something about a song that just makes you wanna jump around like an escaped mental patient. 

What are YOUR Top Ten Songs?
"Life is one grand, sweet song, so start the music." -- Ronald Reagan

Touched By a Patriot: The 2011 Community MVP Luncheon at Gillette Stadium in Foxborough, MA

Remember when I told you that running for a charity totally rocks?

Well, let me refresh your memory.

Because I was a member of the NE Patriots Charitable Foundation Boston Marathon Team, I received an invite for myself and a guest to attend the 2011 Community MVP Luncheon at Gillette Stadium in Foxborough, MA, home of the three-time Superbowl Champion New England Patriots (like I even needed to say that).  The luncheon also included a tribute to the outstanding contribution of the Foundation's Community MVP Winners.  Grand prize, Runners-Up and Finalist placements would be announced after lunch.

All of this sounds pretty good, right?

Well, let me tell you, good doesn't even begin to cover it.

I invited my friend, Kate, to come along with me.  She and I have known each other since the third grade, which is pretty awesome.  Not only did she have her fair share of "seniority", but Kate also happens to be one of the biggest female sports fans I know.  Plus, she is a Patriots season ticket holder and I figured she would get a huge kick out of going.

We arrived a few minutes past noon and immediately found one of my marathon teammates, Joe, who came with his girlfriend, Jessica.  After exchanging pleasantries, we headed on up to the North East Lounge and found a table.  I'm not sure which was better, the menu (spinach salad, stuffed chicken breast with rice and asparagus and chocolate lava cake with fresh whipped cream and berries) or the conversation.  We sat with one of the runners-up for the MVP award, who does some work for Marguerite's Place in Nashua, NH, and his guests.  To spend time with people who give their heart and soul to help those less fortunate is such a positive and uplifting experience.  It was also great to chat with a couple of my teammates to find out how their post-marathon recovery went.

Once everyone finished lunch, we made our way on the other side of the function room to see the awards presentation.  As Joshua Kraft, son of Patriots owner, Robert Kraft, introduced each individual that was being recognized, my friend, Kate, actually got a little teary eyed (or maybe because she was in the presence of such football greatness).  In all seriousness, it did kind of make you go "awwwww" and put a big smile on your face.  There can never be enough reminders of how much goodness there is in the world.

After the closing remarks and applause, we got up and started walking out, thinking we were going to leave.  But, we had a couple of surprises waiting for us.  First, Patriots Kicker, Stephen Gostkowski, was autographing Patriots Pennants for everyone.  Secondly, the marathon team got introduced to Stephen AND Mr. Robert Kraft himself.

Don't believe me?  I have the pictures to prove it:

Pardon the flashiness in the corner.  From left to right:  Joe Sobalo, Mr. Robert Kraft, Susan Hurley and me.

From left to right:  Carol Crutchfield, me, Stephen Gostkowski, Susan Hurley and Joe Sobalo.

I can now go to my grave saying I was touched by a Patriots player.  Sigh....

But wait!  There's more.

All of the guests of the luncheon were allowed to walk down to the football field.  The field!  Where the Patriots play!  The real frickin' field!!!

Here I am with my excellent date, Kate.  Look at how green it is.

I never could resist a good photo op. 

Finally, we gathered our belongings, said our goodbyes, and got in the red car to head back north.  It was such an amazing experience and I'm still flying high from it.  Thanks so much to the New England Patriots Charitable Foundation for giving me one of the best days of my life.

Now, if they can just get that pesky owner/player deal worked out...

GO PATS!!!!!!!

Walk...Are You Talking To Me?

"Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time." -- Steven Wright


Yesterday was a beautiful day here in New England.  It was warm and mostly sunny with temps in the low 70's.  That's pretty close to perfect, if you ask me.

Mondays are my rest day from running.  I've been doing my long runs on Sunday, so this makes perfect sense to me.  I have trained my body to run six days per week and think that's quite enough.  Even God rested on the seventh day.

But, I really wanted to be outside, to feel the sun on my face.  After the winter we had, I think I'm still in Vitamin D deficit.

So, I decided to go for a long walk around town.

It's been said that runners hate walking.  I don't know if that's true for others, but it's definitely not true for me.  I think it's like comparing apples to oranges.  I run to stay fit, to compete and, well, because I just really like doing it.  Walking is almost like meditation in motion.  It's not a workout, IMHO (no offense to those who walk to stay fit.  That is a perfectly good choice for some people).    In fact, when I went out yesterday, I didn't wear my Garmin, iPod or running sunglasses.  Time and pace was irrelevant.  I would walk for as long as I felt like. 

When I walk, I notice things that don't seem as readily apparent to me when I'm running.  Normally, I have an "agenda" when I'm running.  I'm focused on my breathing, my heart rate, and my pace/distance.  None of that applies to walking, for me.  I pay more attention to the sounds of the birds, the colors of the trees in full bloom, the sweet smell of flowers, etc.  (I know I sound like a dirt worshipping, birkenstock wearing, tree hugging hippie, but nature really is far out, man.)


You know what else I notice more when I walk?

The expressions on motorists faces.

There seem to be a lot of unhappy people out there, folks.  It didn't matter whether the person driving past me was in a BMW or a Chevy Citation with more rust than paint, which tells me that even a beautiful car can't make a person happy.  By and large, their lips were set in a rigid line, bordering on a frown.  The more I looked for it, the more I saw it.  Perhaps they are weary from their commute or toting their young kids from activity to activity.  I don't know.  But, I do know that I didn't see a lot of joy there. 

On the flip side, I saw cyclists, runners and other walkers out there with me, enjoying the day.  In fact, most of them smiled, waved or said hello to me.

Hmmmmmm.

Maybe we'd all feel a little bit better if we sat on our butt less and got up on our feet more. 

(No offense to the cyclists reading this blog post.  Hey, I try to be politically correct, here.)


"Above all, do not lose your desire to walk. Every day I walk myself into a state of well-being and walk away from every illness. I have walked myself into my best thoughts, and I know of no thought so burdensome that one cannot walk away from it." -- Soren Kierkegaard


Speaking of "Walk", it just so happens to be the name of one of my favorite songs to run to (and its lyrics inspired this blog title).  Please enjoy my heart pumping, adrenaline rushing Pantera clip.  (If you don't share my penchant for heavy metal, you might want to skip it.)

 

Holding On or Letting Go?

I have a tendency to be a pack rat; that is, I hold on to things.

For a long time. 

Sometimes, longer than is necessary or healthy.

Obviously, I recognize this or else I wouldn't be talking about it and have been aware of my "borderline hoarder" personality for some time.  It's a process, trying to keep it in check.  Thank God for cabinets/closets with ample room for storage.  It allows me to hide all of the miscellanous items that may or may not be useful anymore.

For example, when we moved into our house in September 1996, my husband mentioned the fact, on his third or fourth trip from the apartment to the moving truck, that I had a lot of clothes and wanted to know why the @#$% I still had my prom dress, since I had graduated high school over six years ago.

Stuff like that.  And, by the way, thanks for the reminder, honey, that I'm much closer to 40 than 18.

Don't get me wrong, here.  There isn't anything wrong with nostalgia, necessarily.  I've mentioned more than once that I'm a total retro girl who LOVES classic television.  Give me an episode of "All in the Family" and I will laugh myself silly.  Sometimes, mementoes can transport us to a happy place in time that will raise our current vibration and lift our mood.  On the other hand, it can also keep us stuck.  Back "in the day", I dated a young man off and on from my early/mid teens until my early 20's.  In retrospect, I think the relationship was over long before it actually ended, but we just hung around anyway.  At the time, taking the path of least resistance just seemed to be the easier thing to do.

How often do we do this in our lives?  How much excess "stuff" do we hold on to longer than we should?  Are we afraid of what our world would be like with a little less baggage?  Is the "devil you know better than the devil you don't"?  Do we have "sellers remorse"?  After all, my parents always warned me about burning bridges.  How do you know it's time to let go?

We've all heard of the strategy of the pros and cons list.  Well, I"m not sure I agree with that tactic.  Have you ever had a minor issue that you weren't quite sure how to handle?  So you think about it.  And you think about it some more.  And it gets bigger.  Before you know it, your "minor issue" has become the mother of all crises.  What started off as a teeny, little thing has turned into a problem of epic proportions. 

Overthinking.  We've all done it.  The reason it doesn't work is because you are usually trying to solve your problem from a place of confusion and disconnection, not clarity.

Maybe it's time to try something else.

Ask yourself:  how does this make me FEEL?  How do I respond to this person, place or thing?  Does it/they uplift me or drag me down?  Do I smile or frown?  Are they happy tears or sad ones?  Does it inspire negative or positive emotion within me?

Once you have an answer to those questions, you'll know what to do with whatever it is you're conflicted about.  It'll take a lot less effort too.  Get out of your head space and into your heart space. 

Let's clean up our act a little.  Then, we can make room for NEW stuff.


“Change is never easy, you fight to hold on, and you fight to let go.” – The Wonder Years





 

Ga Ga over Garmin

There is something to be said about running unencumbered, with the wind at your back, the ground beneath your feet and the sun on your face.

Then again, stats are pretty freakin' awesome.


This is May 2011:

Count: 26 Activities


Distance: 190.43 mi

Time: 29:52:54 h:m:s

Elevation Gain: 5,056 ft

Avg Speed: 6.4 mph

Avg HR: 153 bpm

Calories: 21,681 C

Avg Distance: 7.32 mi

Median Distance: 5.95 mi

Max Distance: 14.00 mi

Avg Time: 01:08:57 h:m:s

Median Time: 00:54:59 h:m:s

Max Time: 02:17:19 h:m:s

Avg Elevation Gain: 194 ft

Median Elevation Gain: 183 ft

Max Elevation Gain: 417 ft

Elevation Loss: 5,340 ft

Avg Elevation Loss: 205 ft

Median Elevation Loss: 206 ft

Max Elevation Loss: 416 ft

Max Avg Speed: 7.3 mph

Max Speed: 11.3 mph

Max Avg HR: 165 bpm

Max HR: 198 bpm



Mindblowing, isn't it?
 
Before I went out for my run yesterday, I put my Forerunner outside so it could "locate satellites".  My co-worker (who is 73) saw me doing this and didn't understand why I used it every time I went out for a run.
 
"Don't you know how far your running routes are by now?", he asked.
 
I explained the fun, techie aspect of the Garmin.  I went into detail about the elevation charts, the lap splits, the HR data, etc.
 
And then, with a shudder, I realized:  OMG, I'm starting to sound like one of THEM.
 
(THEM = the +/- 800 engineers that come to the fitness center where I work)
 
Who knew?
 
I guess I have new respect for geeks (no offense, folks).  I'm feeling pretty geeky myself these days.
 
It's all fun and games and it's good information.  It keeps me on track and shows how I am improving (or, in some cases, how I may be in need of a break from time to time).
 
If it ever interferes with the joy and abandon of the sport, perhaps I'll reevaluate my daily habit.
 
But, for now, I'm good with being ga ga over Garmin.

Today

Today, I will take time to be still, to go inside of myself and to nurture my spirit.

Today, I will take none of my loved ones for granted.

Today, I will spend time in nature, appreciating the beauty and wonder that is our planet.

Today, I will spend time exercising my body and my heart.

Today, I will take proper care of myself.

Today, I will only be a giver and receiver of positive energy. 

Today, I will only focus on the things that are truly important.  I will take a pass on "majoring in the minors". 

Today, I will let go of the past and direct my attention to the glorious present.  I will celebrate "my now".

Today, I will see past the actions of others.  I will not take offense.  I will love the person behind them.

Today, I will smile more, laugh louder and hug longer.

Today, I will forgive others but, more importantly, I will forgive myself.

Today, I will release the need to be right; to prove a point; to one up others. 

Today, I will embrace happiness over pride.

Today, I will tell the story the way I want it to be.  I will be the architect of my experience. 

Today, I will take back my power.

Today, I will celebrate LIFE.

I will revel in the magic of this moment.

The magic of today.

May 25th

On this day in history, quite a few things happened.

In 1935, Babe Ruth hit his last home run.
In 1977, Star Wars opened in theaters.
And, in 2001, I got married. 

I clean up pretty good, don't I?

One of my closest and dearest friends, Michelle, stood up with us (we're in her living room):

And her two kids (Tanya on my left, wearing a pair of my shoes, and Jackie on my right) are just too cute not to be photographed:

Of course now, Tanya is a senior in high school and Jackie just finished her freshman year in college.  They both tower over me now.  And I'm pretty sure Tanya wouldn't fit into my shoes anymore.

It was a good day.

I met my husband in 1995.  We had a very long courtship, dating three years before becoming engaged and then living as fiance and fiancee for another three.  Witnessing the divorce of my parents, I was never quite sure how I felt about marriage.  I didn't know if it would be something I'd ever do.  But, after putting my husband-to-be off for months and months, I knew I had to either put up or shut up.

I think I'm a pretty good catch, but he's not going to wait around forever, nor should he.

So, we decided to have a simple ceremony on a Friday evening at the Pondview in Kingston with only three couples and the justice of the peace.  It was very informal.  Basically, we eloped.  Two days later, we hosted a Memorial Day weekend party at our place with friends and family.  At this time, we "broke the news" that we had tied the knot.  Our guests were completely shocked, but in a good way.  It was a fun way to begin life as a married couple.

So, what's marriage like?  Well, I can tell you first hand that the whole is only as good as the sum of its parts.  Both my husband and I have done lots of maturing, learning and growing, together and separately.  We're definitely not the same people that we were when we met over 16 years ago.

And for that, I'm so thankful.

I was only 23 years old when I was introduced to him.  I was still "under construction" and had lots of things yet to learn about life and my place in it.  And yes, I dragged my feet, finally consenting to exchanging vows over six years later, but I'm so happy we waited.  Lots of people marry young and then end up going their separate ways.  My husband was an usher in two weddings back in 1996.  Both marriages have since ended.

Hey, it happens.

Looking back over the past 10 years, I can honestly say that it keeps getting better and better.  We communicate much better than we ever have before.  As we grow and change (I picked up marathoning and he picked up golf), we support each other in our respective endeavors and interests, even if they are not shared.  We have learned the importance of being whole and healthy individuals, knowing that it only makes our union stronger.  The longer we have to love each other, the more we are able to understand and accept one another.  That doesn't mean we won't disagree, but we can deal with that.  We know it'll all work out.  And we trust that the other person won't give up, even when it's not all hearts and flowers.

Happy Anniversary to my husband, Michael.  Thank you for being such a great partner, person and friend.  Here's to another ten years.

 

Tuesday

It's the most irrelevant day of the week.

Seriously.

Aside from a few musical ditties paying homage, such as "Ruby Tuesday" by the Rolling Stones, "Tuesday Afternoon" by the Moody Blues and "Tuesday's Gone" by Lynyrd Skynyrd, there just isn't much there. 

Here, I'll show you what I mean:

Monday
Ever hear the expression, "negative attention is better than no attention at all"?  Well, that's Monday.  People "don't like" Mondays (The Boomtown Rats) and it's a "manic" kind of day (Thank you, Bangles).  The Mamas and Papas tell us you can't trust that day.  But, it's got a purpose (i.e. dragging your a$$ back to work, most likely).  And it gets lots of press.

Wednesday
Hello, Hump Day?  By now, you've worked two days and you have two days left to work.  It's the middle of the week and you can see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Wednesday's got some major street cred.  Plus "Criminal Minds" is on.  There you go. 

Thursday
Have you ever been thirstier than on a Thursday???  This is the day that lots of folks get paid.  So, they go to their local watering hole and blow it all on copious amounts of booze.  Makes sense.  What else are you doing to do with your money?  Put it in your 401K???  Please.

Friday
Friday, I'm in love, Thank God it's Friday, Friday Night Lights and Black Friday.  Friday's got it going on.  It's my personal favorite day of the week.  I love the deliciousness of ANTICIPATION.  Waiting for the weekend has a certain excitement to it.  All the traffic in the world can't detract from the fun, frivolous nature of Friday.

Saturday 
Save hairdressers and retail employees, this is the first day you get to "sleep in".  You don't hear the repetitive boom of the alarm clock rousing you from your peaceful slumber.  You can stay in your pajamas as long as you want and watch cartoons all morning.  Or you can mow the lawn.  Personally, I'll take cartoons for $100, Alex.

Sunday 
Even God knows that Sunday is a big deal.  He RESTED.  Unless you are Catholic or Jewish (or agnostic), this might also be your church day.  Even retail stores open later than usual (at least they used to).  Some places won't even sell beer or wine.  Everything is different on Sunday.  Most runners do their long run on Sunday morning.  It's a pretty big deal.

What is the purpose of Tuesday?  Is it so we could have a seventh day of the week?  Aside from Election Day, do we really need it?

Well, whether we need it or not, it's here to stay.  So, we might as well enjoy it. 

How will YOU make Tuesday memorable?

It's the End Of the World as We Know It

"World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed, dummy with the rapture and the revered and the right, right. You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright light, feeling pretty psyched." -- REM

Since I no longer watch the news, I'm not privy to current events.  However, I do have a facebook page with 397 friends.  Some of them still tune in, so I hear stuff.  The latest headline is that the world is supposed to end.

Like, tomorrow.  Have you heard this?

Harold Camping, Christian radio broadcaster and president of Family Radio, says that the rapture will be on May 21, 2011 and that God will completely destroy the universe five months after that.  He had previously predicted that this was going to happen in September 1994.

Well, we're still here.  And, chances are, we'll still be here on May 22 too.

I don't know about you, but I'm fairly certain that our planet is not in peril.  However, what if?

Can we play what if?  What if the world really was going to end tomorrow and all you had was today?

What would you do?
Where would you go?
What would you say?

Are there letters unwritten?  Words unspoken?  Hugs and kisses withheld?  Risks not taken?

I'm sure we all have some loose ends that could use our attention.  There is some internal housekeeping that we can take care of.  I know I could definitely use some quiet time alone to meditate...contemplate...refresh and regroup.

There's no time like the present.  Especially since that's the only guarantee we have. 

Maybe Harold Camping is a raving lunatic and none of this end days talk is coming to pass.  And, maybe there is a slight chance he has the inside track.  Who knows? 

Let's just play along.  If you knew you were going to die tomorrow, what would you do today?

Think about it. 
Come up with something.  Even if it's just ONE thing.
Be bold. 
Take a big step of faith and do that thing you need to do. 

"Life is a great and wondrous mystery, and the only thing we know that we have for sure is what is right here right now. Don't miss it." -- Leo Buscaglia

Angry (not) Birds

"I hurt myself today.  To see if I still feel." -- Nine Inch Nails

I got angry this morning.

Wait, that's probably not accurate.

I EXPLODED this morning. 

I have been feeling neglected and left out by an old friend of mine.  I feel as though I have been doing more to maintain the relationship than he has.  The more I noticed it, the more I stuffed my disappointment, rationalizing my perception of his behavior as "me simply overreacting".  I made excuses such as "well, he's really busy".  But, I would notice him making time for and reaching out to other people. 

I felt completely excluded and cast aside.

After seeing yet another indicator of this, I completely blew up, which is not my nature.  I shot off an angry message to him letting him know that I was on to him.  He laughed it off, thinking I was kidding.  Even after I told him I was serious, he still laughed it off.

Again, I don't do angry well.  It's not my nature.  I'm pretty sure he knows that about me too because I really do think he believes I'm just f**king with him.

Well, let me just tell you, I now know why I don't.  It feels AWFUL!  After the back and forth exchange with my friend, I just felt hot and flushed.  My heart was pounding and my breath quickened.  I literally had to steady myself with both hands on the chair and put my head down in an effort to calm myself. 

This went on for a good 10-15 minutes.  And then, it began to lift.  I felt freer, calmer and more rational.

Know why?  Because I finally LET IT OUT.

You see, anger in and of itself isn't such a bad thing.  It's how we manage it that matters.  I was feeling hurt and left out by my friend and, instead of acknowledging my feelings, I minimized them.  I folded them up into teeny, tiny, little pieces and shoved them as far down as I could.  Essentially, I put a band-aid on a broken arm.  Judging by my reaction this morning, I have been doing this for quite some time; probably for at least the past couple of years.  My anger was an indicator that something was off with me.  It started off as a whisper, then a low voice, followed by a firm tone which crescendoed into a vicious scream. 

I finally got my own attention.  Thank goodness.

As a general rule, people don't like to feel pain.  Have you noticed this?  Why do you think headaches last longer than orgasms?  We prolong our own misery in the hopes that it'll just forget about us and move on to something or somebody else.  However, it's like deferring a student loan.  We get a momentary reprieve but one of these days, it'll be time to pay the piper and, believe me, it's much more expensive than if we had just settled up in the first place.

Get what I mean?

I'm breathing easier and deeper now and I feel much more clarity than I did before.  I have been feeling left out and cast aside from my friend.  On the one hand, friends shouldn't keep score.  However, if there is a pattern of one person doing all the rowing while the other person is just sitting in the boat, then there is a definite inequity going on.  I can either accept him for who he is at this moment and be honest with my feelings, giving him a chance to explain, or I can continue to reach out the way I have been and set myself up for more potential hurt and disappointment.  I think I can forgive him, love him and leave him be, while focusing on all the other good relationships I have in my life.  Sometimes, people change and the path of friendship divides.  It may rejoin at some point or it may not.  Regardless of what happens with us, I will instead remember all the good times I shared with him and appreciate what he brought to me.

The moral of the story, courtesy of Colin Powell? Get mad, then get over it.


On a lighter note, I've been wondering what the !@#*&^ I could write about this week. 

Problem solved.

Wrapping Up the Week

Making Conversation

One of our members (who might find me, um..."interesting") walked by the front desk on Monday, saying hello. I returned his greeting. He then asked, "did you have a nice Mother's Day?" Without thinking, I said, "I'm not a mother." I kinda think he was trying to just make conversation with me and I may have inadvertently embarrassed him. I just don't know how else I could have answered the question.

Taking Chances
I try to be a responsible runner whenever possible.  For example, I use crosswalks if I need to get to the other side of the street.  I used to stand there nervously until cars in both directions came to a complete stop and waved me on.  Now I just get in them and go.  I've had a couple of close calls.  However, I think the driver was more freaked out about it than I was.  Who says that running isn't a contact sport?

Watching
Sure I watch what I eat.  I watch it go from the plate to my mouth.  However, I stopped "watching my weight".  Cable TV is much more entertaining.

Advice
Another one of our members asked me what a particular ache & pain in her hand might be.  After I answered her question and suggested she do nothing to aggravate it, she countered, insisting that it didn't hurt "during lifting", only "after lifting".  It's always interesting to me when people want your advice/opinion and then, upon receiving it, want to debate with you.  I'm a personal trainer, not a politician.

Being Human
Anyone that's anyone knows that I view the glass as half-full, maintain a positive/optimistic outlook on life and strive to love all creatures.  However, even I know how liberating it can be to give someone "the finger".  We all have a 12 year old deep down inside that sneaks out every once in a while.  Kind of like when your toddler learns a curse word (from you, most likely) and you know you shouldn't laugh when they say it, but sometimes you just don't want to help yourself.

Priorities
I brought the red car into Sullivan Tire yesterday morning to have my passenger rear tire repaired.  The technician told me that yes, it was fixable, but I would need new tires soon.  I asked him how soon.  He asked me how often I replaced my tires.  I told him I wasn't sure, but I could tell him the last time I bought running shoes.  He chuckled.  Hey, I know what's important.

Time Out
I can use one.  I haven't stuck to my daily fifteen meditation period very consistently this week.  I realize that I don't feel badly about it because I shirked my duty/obligation.  I genuinely miss the quiet time.  Plus, I can feel my sarcastic inner child beginning to bubble up.  For that reason, I'm glad I missed a day or two.  Now I can begin anew, realizing just how important it really is.

Happy Weekend.
:-)

Unconditional

"I just want, I just want love.  I just want something.  Something for nothing.  I'm a beggar and I'm a chooser.  I'm accused, I'm an accuser.  But nothing's unconditional." -- The Bravery

Unconditional love. 
Unconditional acceptance.

We all think about, talk about, and wish for it.  After all, it certainly is a nice idea, don't you think?  Imagine being loved and accepted by all people without conditions or limitations.

Total.  Absolute.  No matter what you say, what you do, or how you look. 

That's pretty awesome. 

I think the best example of unconditional love is the relationship between a parent and a child.  I know of one father/son duo in particular that exemplifies this principle.  Son keeps making self-destructive choices and father keeps picking up the pieces.  That doesn't mean that father doesn't dislike the behavior (I'm sure he wants better things for his child), but he loves his son.  He seems able to separate the act from the perpetrator of it.  Speaking from a "childless by choice" perspective, I wonder how he hasn't disowned him by now.  I think I would have changed my phone number.

I guess that's why I'm not a parent. 

But, I digress.

The question here really is:  are we willing to love and accept others unconditionally first?  Is that where it starts?  With us?

It's so much easier to point the finger at others who criticize or disagree with us, as if to say, "if only you would think, talk and act differently, this world would be a much better place."  Come on now, we've all done it.  I know I have. 

For example, I was reading some facebook postings the other day about running with iPods.  Half of the people who commented were supporting the idea of running with music.  The other half condemned it, citing it unsafe and an unfair advantage to use in racing.  Depending on what side of the fence you sit on, I'm sure you have an opinion.  Personally, I run with music 80% of the time.  I wear it on most, if not all, of my solo runs.  I have worn it at races ranging from 5K to marathon distance.   I know lots of runners who don't agree with me for doing it.  At first, I used to feel defensive if people made fun of/criticized me for running with headphones, saying things like, "that makes you a jogger, not a runner." 

But, then I realized I was defensive and argumentative because I felt insecure that they didn't accept me.  It wasn't their words; it was how I responded to them.  Perhaps THEY feel that THEY wouldn't be a real runner if THEY wore headphones.  So, what they say is much less about me and my iPod and more about themselves.

Either I change my behavior (i.e. don't run with headphones) to please them, or I accept them for who they are, opinions and all.  Neither one of us have to be right or wrong, necessarily.  We just get to choose for ourselves.  Their choice doesn't have to affect me one way or the other, nor mine them.

It's okay to be okay with someone who may not be okay with you, but if you're not okay with you to begin with, then it's damn near impossible.  (You know, that whole, "I'm OK, you're OK" thing).  I obviously didn't unconditionally love and accept myself for running with music. If I did, I wouldn't have been offended.

In my quest to be a positive and optimistic person, I've also become more aware of how I talk.  It's a work in progress, but I'm doing pretty well with it.  Basically, I'm focusing on speaking only of the things that I want more of in my life.  You know, the good stuff.  In the process, I've also become more aware of how other people talk.  Here is a conversation I had with one of our members this morning.  I'll call him "SA":

SA:  (standing by the front desk, looking out of the window) It's so rainy and dreary out.
ME:  Well, it depends on your perspective.
SA:  (laughs) Well, it's not in here.  (points) I mean out there.
ME:  Still depends on your perspective.
SA:  (looks at me quizzically)
ME:  Rain is just that, rain.  It doesn't have to be good or bad.  It just is.
SA:  (laughs again, shakes head, and walks to locker room)

Lots of people don't like cloudy, rainy days.  It takes a lot more focus to find good in them than it does the sunny, warm ones.  So, I certainly understand his reaction to the weather.  And sure, it would be nice if everyone around you opted to have a sunny dispostion regardless of what was going on outside.  However, you can't control your environment.  That goes for the people in your life as well as the weather.  Focusing on what you can control is the only option, and the only thing you can control is you.

Making peace with things as they are and appreciating the people and things in your life for the good they bring you is the path to unconditional love and acceptance.  After all, like attracts like.  If you want to be loved, be loving.  Gandhi said you must be the change you wish to see in the world.  When you realize that other people don't have to change in order to please you, that world becomes a pretty cool place to hang out in.

"The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well." -- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross





 

And the Winner is...

Me.

Since the summer of 2009, I've had a running coach.  It's been great for me, because all I have to do is look at my email.  Voila.  There's my workout.  Plus, having an objective person calling the shots is always a good idea.  They're more removed from the process than you are, therefore, they can make more pragmatic, logical decisions.  I always felt better "taking time off" in the interest of my health when it was coach's idea instead of my own. 

I've had two coaches with slightly differing plans and philosophies and I believe I'm truly richer and better prepared for having worked with both of them.

In the midst of my recovery from Boston, I pondered my next adventure, which is the 2011 Chicago Marathon.  How will I prepare?  Will I use the tried and true methods of Bachelor #1 or Bachelor #2?  Or will I go trolling for a new guru?

The answer is none of the above. 

Instead, I will coach myself.  I mean, after all, I'm a RRCA Certified Running Coach, as well as an ACE Certified Personal Trainer.  It's not like I'm unqualified or anything.

Now, I know what you're thinking:  those who can DO; those who can't COACH.  It's a humorous quote, albeit not 100% true.  I know lots of coaches who still compete and put up pretty respectable race results.  It's possible to be an athlete AND a teacher at the same time.    

I was having dinner with my friend, Leigh, last night and shared some of this with her.  She agreed with me that it's hardest to coach yourself, probably for the reasons I outlined above.  But, how better to make my bones as a running coach than to take on the toughest client first, right?  I mean, if I can handle working with myself, then the sky's the limit with other people.  I have always had an easy time guiding others, monitoring their progress and adjusting their program if and when it was necessary.  I would pay attention to their performance and could tell if they needed more or less.

Now all I need to do is apply that to me.  In the words of Patti & Warren Finke, co-authors of "Marathoning Start to Finish", workout schedules are guidelines not requirements.  Your body is different every single day.  Life stress is total, which means you can't isolate your training threshold from the rest of your life.  Some days you are strong and powerful with seemingly limitless energy.  Other days, it's all you can do to just reach for the remote control.

Pencils have erasers for a reason, you know.
 
So it's settled.  I'm going to hire myself.

And, when I PR in Chicago on October 9th, you can hire me too.

CYNDI LINE: DO NOT CROSS

This morning, I was at the front desk, designing my lunchtime muscle class format.  One of our members came out from the weight room to grab a towel.  She asked, "got any more marathons coming up?" 

I replied, without looking up, "Yes."

"Where?" she asked.

I returned her gaze, smiled and said, "somewhere."  She kind of smiled back.  And then, I just heard myself say, "I prefer to keep my running exploits private." 

It was like diarrhea of the mouth (please pardon the vivid imagery).  My words just...came out without much warning or control on my part.

She said, "oh, sorry..." and began walking away. 

"That's okay!" I called after her. 

I sorta felt bad.

And then, I decided it might be good to talk about it.

I mentioned in a previous post that I was learning the fine art of setting boundaries, thinking that perhaps it was a byproduct of aging.  In the past, I didn't really mind having my whole life out there for all the world to see.  I didn't mind who knew what about my personal life and interests.  Somewhere along my physical trail, that kind of shifted and I'm not quite sure when, how or why it did.

It's been well over two weeks since Boston.  I assumed people would have stopped asking me about it by now, but I'm still getting questions (four this morning, as a matter of fact).  On the one hand, I feel like I should be flattered that people find me and my life interesting enough to ask.  However, I'm kinda tired of talking about it.  And I suppose I'm not 100% comfortable with saying that out loud.

My business is all about customer service, whether it be selling/renewing memberships, teaching group fitness classes or training clients one on one.  I'm constantly interacting with people and have all kinds of professional relationships to maintain.  I suppose in those instances, there is some give and take in terms of sharing experiences but I'm getting to the point where I'd rather keep things in the general sense. 

The best way I've found to say it is:  It's one thing to talk about "running".  It's another thing to talk about "MY running". 

Perhaps that's why I like the blogging so much.  It gives me an opportunity to share the things I want to share about myself with the people that care to read them.  It's also super duper therapeutic for me to have an outlet to make sense of all the thoughts and emotions I have.  I do enjoy it, obviously, or else I wouldn't do it.  I mean, I share the link to my blog on FACEBOOK, for crying out loud.  I'm not THAT private.  But, it's different to tell a story in a blog format once, not to mention easier.

It's important to add that I genuinely like the vast majority of the people I work for and with.  Our members are great people and they all treat me well, including the person who asked me the question this morning.  I enjoy conversing with all of them, particularly the ones who take my classes or share my love for running.  Sometimes, you become friends with people you meet in a professional setting. I can think of several folks who I've run races and socialized with.  However, it's a little different when you connect with someone on a personal level.

I'm guessing this has been building for some time now and I just didn't realize it.  Or, more accurately, perhaps I did and I felt guilty for wanting to keep my private life, well, private.  Almost like I should have to apologize for not wanting to be an open book. 


I'm still sorting it out, but I'm aware of it now and, as we all know, awareness is the first step to finding balance.  I recognize the urge to retreat inside myself every now and then.  I feel a little tension when I get asked a lot of questions from people that I don't have a personal relationship with. 
 
There, I said it.
 
"Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth."
~Benjamin Disraeli




 

  

Thoughts on a Thursday

(Just like the "Random Musings on a Friday" post, these are listed in no order of importance)

You are never too old to feel happy hearing that your parents are proud of you.  I'm a strong, independent, and self-sufficent 39 year old woman.  A few weeks ago, my mom told me she loved me and how proud she was of the woman that I've become.  I could just feel warmth and joy spreading throughout my entire body.  I don't need anyone's approval, even my parents'.  But, we can all use more love.

I am a total retro girl.  I like retro music and retro television.  I go to sleep each weeknight watching "Kojak" or "The Rockford Files".  James Garner is the man.  He had great hair.  And he reminds me of my dad.  Contrary to Telly Savalas who, well, had no hair.  But, he was cooler than the other side of the pillow, even if he smoked those long, brown, skinny cigarettes.  Both put me in my happy place.

Music is a huge part of my life.  I can't imagine going 24 hours without listening to the radio, a CD or my iPod.  I have a very diverse music library and love various styles...except for country music.  I do not enjoy country music.  It makes my teeth itch.  I love Johnny Cash, but more for his renegade spirit and persona.  I don't need to listen to his music.  Unless he is covering Trent Reznor.  Then, he rocks.

I believe I'm meant to help, teach and coach others. However, I'm not trying to be anyone's role model or heroine, nor do I want to be. That means measuring up to expectations that other people have of you and I want no part of it. I'm a very curious creature and I'm always seeking knowledge and applying it towards a better life. But, we are all unique and individual. I don't claim to have all the answers, because we all have different questions. And that's the way life is supposed to be.


Those Buddhists are really on to something.  One of my best friends is a practicing Buddhist, so I've been sort of reading about it.  And, I find it quite fascinating, not to mention comforting.  Practicing the principles of mindfulness while learning how to break attachments has given me such a sense of freedom.  I'm learning to look at things as neither good nor bad; they just are what they are. 

I think I mentioned once before that I have a tendency to come off as a bit of a "know it all".  Being aware of this has been good for me.  It's still a work in progress, but that's okay.  I still enjoy being "right" a bit more than I would care to, but I'm aware of that too.  I'm learning that it's okay to have my opinions while letting others have theirs.  Neither one needs defending.  I'm not out to change the world; just my perspective of it.

The scale and I broke up a long time ago.  I decided that a number was not going to define me.  When they say ignorance is bliss, they're not kidding.  Everything I own that I am interested in wearing fits me without cutting off my circulation or giving me a stomach ache.  So, I've got that going for me.

I decided about a year or two ago that I wasn't going to watch the news on a regular basis anymore either.  I've never felt better.  I don't feel like I "need to be informed".  I know that gas prices have gone up.  I know that there are a lot of things going on out there that people don't like.  I accept it all for what it is and hold fast to the belief that the world can be a pretty good place to live in if you want it to be.  I am a card carrying member of the human race, which is enough.

Since finishing the Boston Marathon 10 days ago, I've noticed something.  Most of the people that ask what my time was are male.  The few women that have asked exploded with joy upon hearing that I ran a 3:58.  I think I could have told them it took me six hours and they still would have been that exuberant.  It appears that time goals are more important to men versus women, at least the ones that I know. 

I think it's okay to have boundaries.  I also think it's okay to lay low and "take a time out" when you need to.  I'm surrounded by hundreds of people on a daily basis.  I spend hours upon hours tending to the needs of others.  It's very rewarding to help someone.  Sometimes, you are in need of your own attention more, though.  If we neglect ourselves, we will soon end up resenting others for invading our personal space.  Charity begins at home, friends.  You've just gotta take care of yourself, because there is no guarantee that anyone else will.

In closing, please enjoy this quote of the day:

“We're so engaged in doing things to achieve purposes of outer value that we forget that the inner value, the rapture that is associated with being alive, is what it's all about.”


-- Joseph Campbell

Which Seat Will You Sit In?

I was going through some of my old emails and came upon this great message from my friend, Sue:

There are enough other people who will put us down to make themselves feel better, don't help them.

Very wise, not to mention true.  (And you thought I was the only one with the tasty lil' nuggets of wisdom).

Since I'm already in quote mode, I'll also borrow the tagline from the Virginia Slims campaign:

I've come a long way, baby.
Almost 96 hours removed from the start of the Boston Marathon and I'm feeling pretty good.  My legs are starting to work again.  I'm walking more like Cyndi and less like Clyde, the orangutan from "Every Which Way But Loose".  But, what's more important, and less visible, is how I feel.

In 2009, I ran a time slower than I wanted to and I brooded over it for weeks, giving myself quite the flogging.  Obviously, I didn't heed Sue's warning. 

Now, fast forward two years. 

Today, I feel good inside because I've made a concerted effort to amplify the positive aspects of my marathon experience ONLY.  I believe that I am the architect of my own reality and I've decided to build the best life that I possibly can.

For the past 18 months or so, I've been enjoying the teachings of Abraham-Hicks (you can google them).  They talk about the Law of Attraction (which you can also google), but they also give you powerful, yet practical information that you can apply to your own life.  I was listening to the CD recording of their San Francisco/February 2011 workshop in my car the other day; just driving, chilling and enjoying, when, I heard this simple sentence:

If you're feeling high, ride it.  If you're feeling low, take a nap.

In other words, if something is going the way you want, talk about it, revel in it, MILK it.  If it's not, for the love of Pete, STOP TALKING ABOUT IT!!!!!  The seed won't grow unless you water it.

Imagine you decided to walk around with a tape/digital recorder for 24 hours, documenting everything that came out of your mouth.  When you played it back, how much of it do you think would contribute to the life that you want?  How much of what you said would detract?

Think about it.

Don't misunderstand me, here.  I'm not talking about "faking positivity" if you're not feeling it.  The worst thing you can do is recite positive affirmations when you're in a low energy state.  It'll just remind you of the gap between where you are and where you want to be.  Have you ever been around a peppy, happy person when you're feeling "less than stellar"?  Don't you just want to punch them in the face everytime they smile at you?

So, don't do that.  And punching someone in the face is probably not a good idea, either.

But, you have a lot more control over your mood than you might think.

When something happens to you that has the potential to upset you, recognize it, be aware of it and then let it go.  The more you talk about it, the more you "vent" about it, the bigger it gets.  What was a molehill turns into a mountain.  Do you really want that?

I didn't think so.

If something has been bothering you for a while, don't try and deal with it until you're feeling good.  It's okay to put it off.  Distract yourself.  Go for a walk.  Listen to your favorite song.  Meditate.  Take a bubble bath.  Hug your best friend.

Take a nap.  Whatever floats your boat.

The seed won't grow if you don't water it.

Would you rather be driving the car that is your life or riding shotgun, with your hands over your eyes, jamming your foot onto the invisible "emergency brake" embedded into the floorboard because you don't like the way the driver is driving?

Which seat will you sit in?

Break It On Down, Y'All

On April 18, 2011, I completed the 115th Annual Boston Marathon.  Here is the proof:

I ran 3:58.

This was my 7th marathon and my 3rd Boston. 

First, let me say that, yes, I am glad and proud of myself that I finished.  It was tough going there for me, particularly in the last 10 miles.  I had to talk myself into not quitting.  More than once.  I alternated short bursts of walking with longer stretches of running, just staying focused on forward movement.

As you may remember from my previous entries, I am not a "detail" person.  You aren't going to get a "play by play" recap of my run yesterday.  Plus, anyone that is anyone knows how to check my stats online.  Simply stated, I started off strong and ended up running a positive split, which means the second half of my marathon was slower than the first half.  It's always tempting to look back at what didn't quite go the way you planned and say, "maybe I should have done this" or "perhaps I should have tried that."

Well, friends, those are just thoughts.  And it would be both unwise and counterproductive to latch on to them.

You see, the race played out exactly as it should have.  I took a chance and went after a personal best for Boston (which still stands at 3:55).  I was able to hold a sub 3:50 pace until the 30K mark.  From that point on, as I began to tire, it became more about just finishing and less about achieving a fast time. 

So, I will have no regrets.  I do have a couple of observations that I can carry in to my next training cycle:

1)  Although I live in NH which has hills, I did no specific "hill repeats" or "hill training" in prep for Boston.  The hills on that particular course are between miles 16 and 21.  This may or may not have contributed to my fatigue. 

2)  I think I could have done more long runs.  I had an 18, 20 and 21 in my training cycle which, I thought would be enough.  In the past, I've had my long run up to 22-23 miles and performed better.  I think going back to that is best.

3)  I'm not sure how all the low heart rate training factored into the way I ran yesterday.  In some ways, it may have been beneficial.  In others, I'm not sure it prepared me to run marathon pace as well as previous training methods.

4)  Not a cop out, just an observation:  it was 60 degrees and full sun yesterday for the first 21 miles.  I think I'm not alone in saying that we had a crazy long, cold, windy, snowy winter.  Lots of my friends ran slower times than they were planning.  Unless you are from Kenya, or the southern US, you weren't sufficiently acclimated to running long distance in this temperature.  Perhaps this had something to do with it.

So, that's my version of the marathon autopsy.  It would have been great to have run a faster time.  But, at least I tried from the very beginning.  And I held it for the first 18.6 miles.  I've never been able to do that before on that course.  So, it's high time I celebrate what went right instead of what could have been done differently.

To ALL that ran the Boston Marathon yesterday, you have my undying respect.  Congratulations, in particular, to those of you who ran your very first 26.2 race yesterday. 

Now, it's time to rest, relax, recover and refocus.  Chicago 2011 awaits.  :-)