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Monday, June 20, 2011

Things I'd Say if I Was On Twitter

That's not entirely true.

Technically, I DO have a twitter account.  Someone must have sent me an invite to join at some point and I just said, "ah, what the hell." 

I can't tell you the last time I "tweeted".  In fact, it's been so long, I don't even think I remember my password.  I couldn't "tweet" if I wanted to, most likely.

But, every now and again, I'll get emails telling me that "so and so is following you" on Twitter.  Those poor bastards.  They must be SOOOOOOOOO bored with me.

However, facebook is a different story.  I've logged on to that site daily for, well, as long as I've had a page.  Like 40 is the new 20, facebook is the new myspace.  Seems like EVERYONE has their own facebook account now.  I used to be a rabid Mafia Wars player, so I spent a ton of time on there for that purpose.  Now, I just check in everyday to see what everyone is up to.  I'll post youtube vids, links I find useful and the occasional "what's on my mind".  At the risk of pissing off the +/- 400 friends that I have accumulated, I try to limit the status updates to 1-2x's a day, unless it's something that's WICKED important.  After all, I might be tickled about the cocoa krispies I had for breakfast but, quite frankly, I don't think anyone else really cares.

This is where the whole "tweeting" thing would come in handy.  If you're "following" me, then you must want to know what I'm up to.  The good, the bad AND the ugly.   The interesting and the mundane. 


Just today, I had a flood of one-three line phrases that just sailed in and out of my head.  We'll call them "the tweets that never were":

Confirmation that I'm not adopted:  Today I opened up my mouth and heard my mother.  It was like I was CHANNELING her.  Can you channel people who are still living?

I crack myself up all the time.  I don't think anyone else finds me as funny as I find myself.  Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be.

Today, I actually opted to listen to "Me and Julio Down By the Schoolyard" by Paul Simon instead of "All I Want is You" by U2 on my drive home.  I'm still not sure what that was about.

A breaker must have tripped over the weekend, resulting in the treadmill's built-in televisions not working.  This was for the first two hours we were open.  Major TRAUMA for the members.  People just don't how to walk, jog or run anymore unless they're watching VH1 or The Food Network.

No running for me since Mondays are my rest day.  At first I thought it was a waste to skip it on such a beautiful day.  Then, common sense took over and I decided sitting outside with a glass of wine would be just as good.  Plus, my mascara won't run.

I'd like to seamlessly transition from heartbreak to friendly appreciation without detouring down Apathy Avenue.  Hate gets a bad rap.  You don't "hate" someone that you still don't care for in some way.  It's impossible.  But, to not care if someone lives or dies is a completely different story. 

Two of the clients I trained today were men.  I crammed as much stuff as I possibly could into their 30 minute sessions, thinking I was doing them a favor.  Between the frequent water breaks, profuse sweating and pauses to catch their breath, I may have overdone it.  Just a wee bit.

One of our members, who is dealing with the onset of dementia, came out of the locker room today, asking my boss for help to turn the shower on.  After patiently explaining to him that she could not go in the men's locker room to turn it on for him, she found a male in the weightroom to help.  Hell, we're just glad he remembered to put his pants back on before he came out to ask.

People feel the need to justify why they "can't" do something.  Can't?  More like "won't".  You know, it's okay to just admit you either a) don't like it or b) have no interest in learning.  There is no reason to construct an elaborate scenario.  I've worked in fitness since 1993 and have tried everything from step to spinning.  However, you won't catch me in a Zumba class.  EVER.  No thanks.  Not interested.  End of story.

And, finally:

I had Cocoa Krispies for breakfast this morning.  They were DELICIOUS.

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