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Monday, February 21, 2011

One of these things doesn't look like the other

This time last year, I had four races under my belt:  Hangover Classic 10K, Boston Prep 16 Miler, Bradford Valentine 5 Miler and the LOCO Half at the Hamptons.

This year, I have NADA.

That's right.  Haven't...raced...a step.

Don't get me wrong.  I've been running.  I've done intervals.  I'm "training".

But, this time last year, I was still chasing that "elusive BQ" time.  This time last year, I had an agenda.

This year, I only have to collect my reward:  show up in Hopkinton on Monday, April 18th and just "do my thang".

I'm taking it one day at a time, here.  I wake up every day and look at my "schedule".  I think about what I want to do that day.  If it coincides with the schedule, great.  If not, I've managed to be okay with that too.  I'm making it up as I go along; flying by the seat of my pants, if you will.  Yesterday, I was only supposed to do 10 miles.  Instead, I did 12.5.

Stuff like that.  Spontaneity.

This is new for me.  Not only do I feel like I have to follow a training schedule to the letter but, I'm also a recovering "control freak" who always feels like she has to be "doing something".

This year, I just want to be Cyndi the runner.

And I think I like it.

I don't feel a need to "prove myself" or "accomplish anything".  I still have residual ambivalence about racing.  I'm still separating what I want to be from what I think I'm supposed to be.  And I think I'm doing very well.  There is plenty of time to figure it out.  And I don't have to try so hard.

From now until Boston, I'm just planning on going with the flow and making each run as enjoyable as it can be.

You won't be finding me in any race results on least for now.

Just keep an eye on the roads.

Look for the bouncing, blonde ponytail.

And the look of contentment.

That'll be me.

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