Numbers used to rule my life. Whether it was the number on the scale, the number on the tag in my jeans or the amount of miles I ran each week, I lived by them. I relentlessly pursued perfection by using numbers as milestones. If I could weigh a certain amount, wear a certain size or boast a certain 5K time, I was bound to be happy.
It was an empty pursuit. I didn't find perfection when I hit the
milestones I set. Numbers didn't make me love myself. In fact, quite
the opposite happened on many occasions. If the dreaded weigh ins did
not reflect the desired result, I plunged deeper into self-loathing. If
I didn't PR (personal record in running lingo) at every race I ran, I
was a complete and utter FAILURE. If I DID hit my goal of weight, size
or speed, my happiness was fleeting. In that split second, I felt the
excitement of achieving something I had worked so hard for, but it never
lasted. Like an addict with their drug of choice, I was on to the next
weight goal, the next size down, the next fastest time.
hitting rock bottom, I realized I had to let the numbers GO. They
weren't serving me. They only served to LIMIT me. I finally understood
that that it didn't matter how much I weighed, what size I wore, or how
fast I ran. The only metric that I could possibly rely on was how much
love I could give my body and my soul. I had to stop DOING and start
Maybe you are like I was back then. Maybe you have all of
your hopes hung on a number. Maybe you are obsessively measuring
calories burned or calories consumed. Maybe you have put your life on
hold until your "number" comes up.
But the thing is, when it
does, you'll find something else to criticize, something else to blame,
something else that you find unacceptable. We strive for the holy grail
of impeccability and are so busy trying to achieve that we forget to
enjoy the journey. We can't celebrate who we are, because we are too
consumed with TRYING TO GET SOMEWHERE.
Let it go. Just stop
striving and trying so damn hard. Decide that today is the day you will
choose differently. Today can be the day that you celebrate where you
And you are so much more than a number.