"It is good to feel lost... because it proves you have a navigational sense of where "Home" is. You know that a place that feels like being found exists. And maybe your current location isn't that place but, Hallelujah, that unsettled, uneasy feeling of lost-ness just brought you closer to it." -- Erika Harris
Today is January 27, 2012.
This is only my SECOND blog entry of the year.
I was going through my email the other day clicking on links to other people's blogs (of all things).
And then, it occurred to me the other day that I couldn't remember the last time I blogged.
Weird, right? I mean, I was on a ROLL. What happened to my rambling? No rants or rebuilding??
And the running! Oh, what of the RUNNING???
Well, there's been a little bit of everything thrown in there, but perhaps not as much as I'm accustomed to. I figured I'd end the three week blogging layoff by exploring "the 4 R's" that comprise my blog's title and exploring how I feel about each one.
I'm pretty sure I still do my fair share of that, as I've been told that I could talk a dog off a meat wagon. But, as I go through life and traverse the road to personal growth, I've learned the importance of saying LESS and listening MORE. This does not come easy for me as I like to "blah, blah, blah". I love to be the center of attention and I love to flex my "know it all muscles" whenever possible (I know that sounds pretty arrogant, but it's true). However, this expression has come to mind lately: God gave you TWO ears and ONE mouth, which means you should listen twice as much as you talk. Hmmmmm. Makes sense, doesn't it? I mean, I wonder, just how much good stuff have I been missing out on because I don't want to shut my yap? I suppose the beauty of blogging is that it's like my one woman show, right? My own personal monologue? If I have TWO ears, ONE mouth, and TEN fingers, well, then, the sky's the limit!!! Blog on, Cyndi Lou.
Defined: To speak or write in an angry manner; rave. To utter or express with violence or extravagance. A speech or piece of writing that incites anger or violence.
I think the only word of value there would be "extravagance". I don't like to think of myself as "chronically" angry, and I certainly don't want to incite anger or violence in my blog. I think the world is angry enough without me adding to it. But, perhaps, it's possible to keep the rants "playful"; you know, "rant and rave" about...oh, happy stuff. I can rave, utter and express with extravagance. I believe Abraham-Hicks calls that a "Rampage of Appreciation". Yeah. That sounds good. Maybe I can rant like THAT.
That's a process that is just ongoing, or at least it should be. I worked for a trucking company in my first year of college and my most vivid memory was something my boss at the time said to me: when you're green, you're growing; when you're ripe, you rot. Quite the picture, eh? Pretty powerful statement, isn't it? Will we ever come to completion? Will we see all of our hopes and dreams come to fruition, never daring to hope and dream again??? I suppose that, if and when that happens, that would mean we would transition out of this time space reality once and for all. You're never going to get it done and you can't get it wrong (also a tasty Abraham-Hicks nugget). Just when you manifest one of your desires, you'll feel another one pop up almost instantly. We're not meant to stand still; to be static and unchanging. There will always be breaking down and building up to do. At least while we draw breath.
In 2011, I ran over 2,300 miles. It was a personal best for me. I ended up averaging +/- 45 miles per week. I tend to be a creature of habit. Once I get into a routine, I feel duty bound to it. I assume a sense of responsibility to adhere to the schedule. I have been doing two marathons a year since 2008. My life has been repeated cycles of train for 20-24 weeks and then rest/recover for 4-6 weeks. Lather, rinse and repeat. Since I ran the Chicago Marathon, I've been sorta winging it. I did that half-hearted bid to train for Honolulu, but it didn't "feel right", so I abandoned ship. Since then, I've allowed life to just "happen". If I have an opportunity to go away for a romantic weekend with my husband, I go...even if it means missing out on a Sunday morning run. If I have an opportunity to attend an out of state conference (i.e. AdvoCare Success School), I go...even if it means not running for two days in a row. In the past, these things would have me unbearably rattled. Now, they just...are what they are. Running will always be there and I believe in my heart that I will always love and have a passion for it. But, maybe, I need to add a 5th "R" to my blog: RELAXING. When I decided to stop resisting the flow of life and live more "moment to moment", something shifted in my personality. I feel the old "all or nothing/perfectionist" part of me has been minimized considerably. I think I like it.
To sum it all up, maybe I don't rant, ramble, rebuild and run like I used to, but maybe I'm just learning how to rant, ramble, rebuild and run better. Maybe I'm not as "lost" or "disconnected" from who I think I am at all.
Maybe I just haven't finished shedding my skin yet.
"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." -- Henry David Thoreau