Do You Swear to Own Your Truth, the Whole Truth and Nothing but the Truth?

"If you cannot find the truth right where you are, where else do you expect to find it?" -- Dogen

I read a really good article this week called "3 Easy Peasy Steps to Resolving Anger" by Farhana Dhalla (http://www.finerminds.com/personal-growth/3-easy-steps-to-resolving-anger/).  Basically, she suggests to name it (anger is not the primary emotion...fear is the primary emotion and anger is how it presents itself.), be it (allowing yourself to be angry) and watch it (just observe).  This line in particular jumped out at me:

“The spiritual path is about being in truth and that means being in truth about your anger.”

Like the author, I can be "ocd" about being happy, present, and living in the now, because I don't want to be a sourpuss.  I mean, who really does?  Sure, there are lots of folks out there who are cantankerous, ornery and grumpy but I don't think they want to be.  They just are that way because they think they have no other option.

Well, this week, I have been a little, um, "off".  My "off" means short tempered, impatient, and overwhelmed (I know, I can hardly believe it either).  I have been letting the "to do list" get in the way of my daily quiet time, for one thing.  I was really diligent about getting my daily meditation streak going.  Yesterday, I realized that I hadn't "sat" since Friday.  That's four days of go, go, go without any time to relax and go inward.  

It was starting to show too.  I could tell.  

There are a number of things that I've allowed to "get under my skin" this week.  Instead of mentally beating myself up for being less than a loving, kind and boundlessly patient person, I decided to follow the advice of the author:  name it, be it and watch it.  The majority of my frustrations come from my work environment which can be "an opportunity for growth".  I work with +/- 800 engineers.  They are my customers.  I'm not sure if you know many engineers.  I've had 11 years to get acquainted with them.  Of course, it's never wise to stereotype, but my experience has shown me that the majority of them are so focused on their particular area of expertise, they tend to be imbalanced in other areas, such as, oh, let's see, manners, social graces, and common sense.  


Not all.  But most.  At least the ones I know.

There is "lunchtime runner guy" who stares.  He's nice enough, don't get me wrong.  But he stares.  I know he stares.  I have peripheral vision, you know.  I can see when someone is looking at me, even if I'm not making eye contact with them.  Sometimes, he'll try and make conversation with me, mostly about running.  But, most of the time, he just...stares.  Maybe he's just shy.  But, it ends up being creepy.  Then, we have "morning guy who will only say hello if I say it first".  I have tested this theory many times.  If I smile and say hello, he suddenly finds his voice.  However, if I don't speak, neither does he.  And finally, let's mention "mumble man".  He mumbles.  The Swedish Chef is more intelligible.  I'm serious, here.  And, to make matters worse, he talks to the back of  my head.  I know he's there, but he's not assertive enough to, first of all, address me by name or, secondly, speak in a pitch heard by species other than canine.  

Right about this time, I gently chided myself for my use of "nicknames".  Being witty and humorous is okay.  Sarcastic and hurtful really isn't, even if I think, at this moment in time, that it's witty and humorous.  

Just thought I'd throw that in.

I've spent enough time with all of these people though, so I know what they're trying to do and say.  I liken it to the mother of a toddler who is just beginning to speak.  Someone from the outside who doesn't spend much time with the child would think it's just gibberish, but mom is with the little tyke 24/7 and can decode the goo goo ga ga into real words.  I don't mean to call grown men toddlers, but you get the idea.


The expression "familiarity breeds contempt" comes to mind here.  Sometimes, the more you know someone, the more you start to find faults and dislike things about them.  That's kind of what is happening here.  However, I know it all starts with ME.  These are all opportunities for me to reframe, refocus, and turnaround so I can resolve these feelings and put them in the proper perspective.  Like the author said, fear is the primary emotion and anger is how it presents itself.  We fear what we don't understand.

And I'll say it again.  Sometimes, I don't understand them.  I'm a completely different personality.  I thrive in social situations.  I can make eye contact.  I have no issue initiating a conversation.  I can talk to anybody.

After I named it and allowed myself to be it, I watched it.

I saw someone who thought life would be a lot easier if everyone would just be more like me.


That declaration makes me feel just a wee bit sheepish.  And slightly embarrassed.  But, I can live with that.  And I don't feel so angry.  Now that I know what it is, I can focus myself into a better place.  I can accept myself for who I am, for the emotions I experience, and allow it all to be as it is.  Once I give myself permission to feel and to be, I can extend that same courtesy to other people.  I can allow them to be whoever and whatever they want to be, even if it's dramatically different from me.

I just need to name it, be it and watch it.

Ah.  Now that feels better.

"The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own.  You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president.  You realize that you control your own destiny." -- Albert Ellis

 

  

Run Forrest, Run! Then, Walk. Then, Run Again. Wait...what????

As you know, I'm currently training for the Chicago Marathon which, at the time of this posting is 47 days from now. This is the time where you really begin to ramp up your training.  The long runs get, well, longer.  My longest runs to date were a three hour run I did alone on 7/31 (18.48 miles, to be exact) and an "almost 20 miler" with John on 8/14 (we covered 19.6 miles in 3:10).

I wanted to get as close to 20 miles on my long run yesterday as I could.  This time of year can be tricky for long runs because of the humidity and heat.  Getting out the door as early as possible is usually the best strategy, but that doesn't completely alleviate the effects of the dewpoint or temperature, particularly when you're running double digit mileage. 

But...you gotta train.  The thought of running for a few hours alone on a summer morning has the potential to overwhelm a person, even if they have completed seven marathons already (that's me, by the way).  However, it has to be done.  I don't take marathons lightly, nor do I want to go into one without having done the necessary preparations. 

I had stumbled upon Jeff Galloway's "Walk Breaks?" article a couple of years back (http://www.jeffgalloway.com/training/walk_breaks.html).  I had crashed and burned on a 16 mile run two years ago.  We had a very wet spring in 2009.  In fact, it rained almost every single day in the month of June.  So, the heat took a while to show up.  And, when it did, it completely kicked my well-toned butt.  It was one of the hardest long runs I had ever done and I was near tears because it took so much out of me.  So, the following week, I decided to put Galloway's method to the test.  I ran 18 miles with a couple of friends, utilizing a 4 minute run/1 minute walk ratio and averaged about 9:55/mi.  

It was exactly what I needed to put the sting of that frustrating 16 miler out of my mind and behind me.

My training has been going very well this time around.  I've been keeping my mileage between 55-60 for the past several weeks.  Plus, I've gotten myself out there in warm temperatures numerous times.  I haven't had any real "crash and burns" to speak of.  But, the thought of doing my first 20 in the heat, and alone to boot, was kinda messing with me a little, I admit.  Then, I remembered that 18 miler I had done two years ago and decided to give Galloway another go.

I stayed true to the 4/1 ratio for about 95% of the run.  There were one or two walk breaks that I eliminated or shortened, due to crossing busy intersections and just plain old zoning out, but I took them early and often, as suggested.  The problem is, most runners wait until they're so tired that they have little choice BUT to walk.  And, by then, it's almost impossible to get going again.  In this instance, it's important to be proactive. 

Mission accomplished.  I got my 20 miles in:  3:15:02:  http://connect.garmin.com/activity/108244316. 

Going into this, I had hoped to keep the pace at about a 10:00/mi pace.  I figured, using this method, that would be a fair estimate.  Well, guess what?  I averaged a 9:45/mi pace EVEN WITH THE WALK BREAKS.  I ran 19.6 miles the Sunday before, continuously and it was only FOUR SECONDS PER MILE faster than my 20 miler.  By mentally breaking up the run into smaller segments, I actually ended up running a little faster.  My legs felt pretty strong throughout and I didn't even start plotting the end until about 2:30 into it.  I found I could keep on going because I "only had to run four more minutes...just four more minutes, Cyndi Lou..."

Will I do it this way every time I run long?  I wouldn't go that far.  Plus, I may not need to, particularly when the weather is more conducive to being out there for hours at a time.  But, it's a nice alternative to the norm.  I got my long run done, the distance I wanted, on a warm Sunday in August.  And I'm feeling pretty good today.  Aside from mild stiffness in my calves and heels (which is to be expected), I'm moving around very well.

Some runners think that walking during a training run is a sign of weakness.  At one point in time, I probably echoed a similar sentiment.  But, there is something to be said for conserving your energy and being as comfortable as possible for as long as possible.  Gutting out a 5K is one thing; suffering through a marathon is another thing entirely.

I'll run.  And, maybe, I'll walk.  But, I will run again. 

If it's good enough for Galloway, it's good enough for me.

Free Form Friday

"Vary your training, your running partners, and your environment. Only your imagination limits the ways you can spice up your running routine." -- Bob Glover

It's been a really good running week:  6.15 miles with Paula on Tuesday, 7.05 miles at the track on Wednesday morning, 9.72 miles yesterday afternoon on the road alone and 6.67 miles this morning with Jeremy.  I have thoroughly enjoyed catching up with good friends while getting the miles in as well as putting in some quality time at the track.  It makes me feel like I'm really evolving as a runner when I can derive just as much pleasure from a solo run with no music as I can from pounding the pavement with my peeps.  

"It is hardly possible to build anything, if frustration, bitterness and a mood of helplessness prevail." --  Lech Walesa

I am always beating the drum of "don't sweat the small stuff" and "life is too short".  Well, sometimes, I forget who I am and revert back to who I was.  I allowed a little work issue to consume me earlier this week; to the point of where I felt anxious, upset, frustrated and stressed out.  Thankfully, I was supported by those with whom I work and wasn't judged for my short tempered outbursts.  Once I was able to process what I was feeling and look at the situation again once I felt better, I was able to let it go.  But, I had to get to "feeling better" first.  I had to make peace with what was going on and cut myself some slack before I could move on.  

"When you are kind to others, it not only changes you, it changes the world." -- Rabbi Harold Kushner

It's easy to get caught up in the day to day business of living, isn't it?  Sometimes, we get a little too self-involved for our own good.  We put up walls instead of building bridges.  I know I must sound New Agey and Hallmark-y, but it's the truth.  There are times where I dismiss people who are trying to talk to me.  I don't make eye contact, I don't engage...because I'm too BUSY.  However, if I take a few moments to put myself in their shoes, it makes all the difference in the world.  How would I feel if I was being treated that way?  Once I ask the question, I become aware and, thus, emotionally available.  When you make the time to be kind to others, kindness comes flowing back to you.

"Sincere forgiveness isn't colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don't worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time." --Sara Paddison

Have you ever seen that email about reason, season and lifetime?  Basically, it talks about how some people come into your life for a specific REASON.  Usually, it's to meet a specific need you may have.  Then, there are those who stay a little longer, like for a SEASON.  This would signify that it's time for you to learn or share.  It's usually profound and powerful, but not permanent.  Then, you have those who are with you for the long haul.  The LIFETIME ones (and I'm not talking about that uber depressing "television for women" channel).  They might not be there forever, physically, but what they bring to you is.  When these people come and go from your life, they occasionally do so against your wishes.  It's important to use their reason/season/lifetime presence in your to grow into the person you are meant to become.  Forgive them for "abandoning or disappointing" you.  Forgive yourself for forgetting what's truly important.  Letting go of attachments or expectations of anything else is a good place to start.  Everything can be for the greater good if you want it to be.

"The purpose of meditation is to get connected and to feel the bliss that is our true nature. When we commit to meditation as discipline, we stay connected and live in that bliss." -- Rich German
I have been interested in meditation off and on for quite a few years now.  My father started meditating twice a day back in the early 80's and, as far as I know, hasn't missed a day.  He's calm, relaxed and even as the day is long.  I've been experimenting with different meditation practices for the past couple of years.  Sometimes, I stick with it for weeks at a time; other times, I can barely manage to string together a few days.  Right now, I'm using a Guided Meditation CD that has four 15-minute meditations (general well-being, financial, physical and relationships).  I'm happy to say that I've sat quietly every day this week and listened to my chosen message while taking long, slow breaths in and out.  When I take the time for solitude, stillness and to just "be", I do feel connected and, dare I say it, kinda blissful.  Try it sometime.  You just might surprise yourself.

“Real life isn’t always going to be perfect or go our way, but the recurring acknowledgement of what is working in our lives can help us not only to survive but surmount our difficulties.”-- Sarah Ban Breathnach

Accentuate the positive.  Eliminate the negative.  Preposterous, you say?  It's easier than you think.  Continuing to beat the drum of the things you don't want or like will only bring an increased awareness, not to mention more evidence, of those things.  Instead, what else can you focus on?  What else can you think about?  Did you have a nice conversation with a friend that left you with a good feeling?  Well, dwell on that.  Or maybe, you found a $20 bill in a jacket you forgot about.  Celebrate your windfall.  The better it gets, the better it gets.  Accept what is and make peace with your current circumstances.  We all have to start somewhere.  Start with the small stuff.  Make it easy on yourself.  It just takes a little focus.  You're worth the effort.

In closing, I'll leave you with this final thought:

"One day at a time - this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone: and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering." -- Ida Scott Taylor, Author

St. Anne's Lakes Race, Old Navy Shorts and the Lost Key That Wasn't

I wasn't sure I was going to blog about this experience because, quite frankly, it's a little embarrassing.

But, then again, that kind of thing never really stopped me before. 

So, here goes.

On Saturday, my friend, Matt (also known as OBH-Orange Beacon of Hope, so named because he always wears a bright orange singlet/tank at races and is usually in front of all of us.  So, we just fix our gaze on the "OBH" and we know we're having a good race), and I met up in Hampstead, NH for the 19th Annual St. Anne's Lakes Race.  He and I did this race together back in 2005.  I had run this course every year from 2003-2008, so I knew the course fairly well.  The race started at 9 a.m., so we decided to meet up between 7:45-8:00 a.m. to pick up our race bag/bib # and shirt.

I arrived at 7:45 a.m. sharp.  The race site is a mere 7.5 miles from my house, so it was easy to be on time.  Had I been training for an ultra, I could have run there and back while running the race inbetween, but I'm not that ambitious (yet).  Matt arrived about 15-20 minutes after me.  Once we got our numbers pinned on and race ready, we hit the portables followed by the road for a 1.5 mile warm-up.  As in previous years, we start at the finish line and jog the course in reverse, going .75/mi. out and .75/mi. back.  It's a good psychological boost because you get to practice running along most of the last mile.  This course features a fast, downhill start and a, well, "less fast" escalating uphill finish.  After we got sufficiently sweaty, I headed back to my car for my Sour Patch Kids. 

Sour Patch Kids, you say?

Yes.  Sour Patch Kids.  I like to put a couple in my mouth before I run or race, because it keeps it from getting dry.  They're sour and sweet and chewy and I JUST REALLY LIKE THEM, OKAY???? 

After I got what I came for, I hit the lock button on my remote and tucked it, with the ignition key, into the handy dandy/built-in key pocket that most running shorts are designed with.  I was sporting my new favorite Old Navy black and white shorts.  This was not the first time I had worn these on a training run OR at a race, so I knew the key/remote would fit in there.  Matt and I made our way to the starting line.  After about 10 minutes of pre-race announcements and the singing of the national anthem, the gun went off.

I used to do short races with my iPod all the time.  I thought I needed the loud, angry "Kill Your Mother/Kill Your Father" type music to motivate me to run my best and fastest.  I have decided to run my past two races "sans tunes" because I would like to focus more on my footstrike, breathing and environment.  That's not so easy to do when you have the likes of Anthrax and Slipknot blaring in your ears.  So, I went "UNPLUGGED" for this race.  I also didn't really have an "agenda" for this.  I figured anything between 37-40 minutes for the 5 miler would be somewhat respectable, since I hadn't raced this distance in quite some time (my PR on this course was 37:01).  Besides, I had a three hour run planned for the next day and I wanted to make sure I would be fresh enough for that.

I ended up seeing OBH before the Mile 3 Marker.  His hamstring was locking up on him, so he was running when he could and walking when he needed to.  I grabbed water after seeing him, contemplating the idea of hanging back with him.  But, I knew he wouldn't want that.  I also knew that, yes, it was part out of concern for him, but more out of avoiding the challenge of running fast.  I am still learning how to channel my inner speed demon who shies away from nothing and is uber fearless (I know she's in there).  After waffling back and forth about this from Mile 3 to about 3.5, I decided to stop looking at my watch and run at a hard pace, but one that I knew I could sustain for the remainder of the race.

And that's what I did.

It wasn't a PR, but it met my "respectable range" criteria:  39:10.

Here are the official race results:

http://www.coolrunning.com/results/11/nh/Jul30_19thAn_set1.shtml

Matt came in a minute or two after me.  We chatted with my friend, Adam, after the race, who came in about a minute or so before me.  I went on a cool-down run and headed back to the post-race area. 

Now THIS is when the story gets interesting.

I'm standing there talking to Adam and Matt when something tells me to reach for my key which...wasn't...there.

Gone Daddy Gone.  No key.  No remote.  The pocket was completely empty.

I attempted to keep the panic from rising in my voice as I shared this little tidbit with my two companions.  We looked around the general area and started to brainstorm, hoping to come up with where and when it got misplaced.  We even walked back part of the cool-down run I did, thinking maybe it popped out around there.  None of us spotted it.  We even asked the race director to announce the missing key before the awards ceremony just so people could be on the lookout for a black pontiac key w/remote. 

Both Adam and I placed in the top 3 of our respective age groups, which meant we'd be receiving trophies.  Since I couldn't get into my car anyway, we figured we'd hang around for a while.  Thankfully, I wasn't alone and had friends...friends with CELL PHONES.  These are the times I really love technology.  I am also glad that I had taken the time to commit my husband's digits to memory so I could get myself some help.  After swapping texts/calls with him and talking to my friends, it was decided that Matt would bring me home and my husband would meet us there with the spare key to my car. 

After Adam and I got our awards, Matt and I said our goodbyes and headed out.  He suggested we drive parts of the course to see if I could spot the key lying on the side of the road.  Sounded like a good idea to me, and he didn't seem to mind carting my a$$ around, so that's what we did.  No key anywhere in sight.  Then, he says, "what if I drive you back to where your car is parked?  We stopped there after the warm-up.  Maybe you dropped your key there or left a door unlocked?  You never know."  At this point, I had no other options or ideas, so I agreed.  We get to my car and I hopped out of his truck to walk over to the red car.  First, I tried the passenger door which, I KNEW, was locked.  Then, I bent down to peek underneath the car to see if the key fell under there.

It was at this point that I heard the "rattle".

The "rattle" is the sound made when the key and the remote sort of clang together. 

Perplexed, I stopped and looked down.  I put my hand underneath the elastic on the left hand side of my shorts and pulled it away from my skin. 

My key, complete with remote, fell to the ground.

I stood there, dumbstruck, for what felt like five minutes, but it was probably only a second or two.  I bent down to pick it up while simultaneously turning to look over my shoulder.  Matt was peeking out of his truck to see how I was doing.  I smiled sheepishly and held the key up in the air for him to see.

It was never lost. 
It was in my shorts near my, ahem, "private parts".

Don't ask me how it got from the inside key pocket to the other side of the built-in running shorts underwear.  Don't ask me how I couldn't tell or how I didn't get "poked".

Insert any blonde joke here that you'd like.  They'd all be appropriate and I certainly deserve it.

But, at least I can laugh at myself.  And believe me, I did.  I think the best part of it was calling my husband back to tell him he didn't have to meet me at the house  because I found my key.  He says, "Really?  That's great...where was it?"  I just kept saying, "I just...found it."

So the moral of the story is this:  the next time you put a key in your running shorts, just be aware that contents have a tendency to shift during flight.  But, if you buy your shorts at Old Navy like me, fear not.  They use REALLY good elastic.

“The rate at which a person can mature is directly proportional to the embarrassment he can tolerate.” -- Douglas Engelbart 

Cyndi Springford: UNPLUGGED

Yesterday, I had plans to run with my girl, Paula (affectionately known as "PJ" for short).  We try to run together every Tuesday afternoon.  It's nice.  We get a chance to catch up with each other since life often takes us in different directions.  The past few weeks had been filled with work obligations and vacation days on both our ends, which prevented us from meeting up.  So when July 26th came up on the calendar, we were both psyched and happy to resume our weekly running date.  I had a new route for us to try and everything.

We usually end up running around 3:30 p.m.  I was actually ready to get out the door by 3:00 (my PT client had cancelled), so I left word with the front desk to let PJ know I'd be back for her.  It was such a nice day and I figured I could go out and jog around for a while.  A couple extra miles never hurt anyone (knock on wood).  I put my Garmin outside to locate satellites, grabbed my badge and sunglasses.  I hesitated momentarily, contemplating whether or not to bring my iPod.  I opted not to, since I'd only be alone for about 30 minutes.  I'd only have to take it off to run with her anyway (we talk a LOT), so I ended up going without it.

Three miles later I came back to meet PJ.  Shortly after I returned, she comes in with disappointing news:  she forgot to pack her running shoes.  We typically have a supply of running/fitness shoes in varying sizes for people to borrow in circumstances such as these, but she has special orthotics in hers.  So, it looked like we would have to wait another week for social endorphin time.  I ended up walking out with her and put my Garmin back on my wrist.  After exchanging goodbyes, I took off running.

About two minutes into it, I realized I didn't have the iPod on.  Well, screw it, I thought.  I really don't feel like going back for it.  I'll just go out for a couple miles.  If I get bored, I'll just walk it in or cut it short.

I ran in very comfortable temps.  It was probably in the mid to upper 70's, but after the 90+ degree weather I've been slogging through, it felt like spring.  The skies were mostly sunny, and it warmed my skin, but when there was shade, there was also a cool breeze.  I enjoyed the sound of my feet hitting the pavement and focused on long, slow breaths in and out of my nose.  I looked around at the beautiful homes in Lexington (of which there are many) and took in the beauty of the landscape.  One mile turned into two, then three, then four.  I turned right on to Wood Street; which is about one more mile from the lab.  I realized I was thoroughly enjoying my iPod free jaunt.  I felt so light and unencumbered.  I didn't have to focus on the skipping-that-song-that-is-still-on-my-iPod-that-I-really-should-delete-from-my-library-because-it's-really-not-doing-it-for-me stuff.  I didn't have to periodically shove the earbuds back in whenever they threatened to pop out. 

I just...ran.  Unplugged.  And I LIKED it.

Am I going to do it this way all the time now?  I wouldn't go that far.  In fact, I ran 10.5 miles this morning with the tunes.  I had some intervals to do and I figured it'd give me a little oomph.  And it did.

But, it was nice to know that I could bang out eight miles, albeit slightly broken up, iPod free, and it didn't suck.  In fact, it was pretty awesome.

I just might try it again tomorrow.

Maybe.  :-)

My 100th Post

When I was fundraising and training for my third marathon (second Boston) in 2009, someone I was close to at the time suggested that I create a blog on the web to spread the word and generate interest.  Oh, and to provide a medium in which I could beg and plead for your spare change.

I never said I didn't possess a flair for the dramatic.

On January 27, 2009, I wrote my first post.  That was two years, five months and 26 days ago.  When I last updated my blog on July 14, I realized that was my 99th entry.

Next up?  The big 100.

What would I say?  How would I commemorate this special occasion?  Should I just treat it like any other post and wax poetic on the topic du jour?

I almost thought about assembling a retrospective of my own personal favorite posts in one entry.  Kind of like "Cyndi Springford's Top Ten Rambles...Rants...Rebuilds and Runs".  After all, don't some television shows do a "best of" to celebrate their 100th episode?  So, I thought about it, but decided not to.  It just seemed a little recycled (I have a thing for "r" words) and unimaginative.
Instead, I chose to share with you how I (and life in general, really) have changed since I first put my metaphorical pen to paper.  In keeping with the true spirit of this blog, these observations of mine are in no particular order of importance:

• I guess the most obvious change is that I finally got my BQ in May of 2010.  I can now say that I have run the Boston Marathon as a qualified runner.  I had invested so much angst, anxiety, energy and time in that aspiration.  It just goes to show that the expression, "it's not the kill; it's the thrill of the chase" is true, for me, at least.  I still love to run and I will probably always run 1-2 marathons a year, but if I never do Boston again, it's okay with me.  I intend to get better and better with every footstrike, but I'm not hard over on doing it again.  Been there, done that.  :-)
• I feel much better about myself.  There has been a certain love/hate relationship with my body over the years and I'm more at peace with it now than I have ever been.  Some of that may be due to aging, but it doesn't really matter how or why it happened.  I love the body I was born with:  the long, thick, naturally lustrous hair, my infectious laugh, calves that could kickstart a Harley...well.  I could go on.  And that's the best part.
• I think I'm starting to "get" what life is all about.  At the age of 37, I was still experiencing growing pains of a sort.  There were still painful parts of my personality that I hadn't acknowledged and made peace with.  I had moments of anger, envy, frustration, and overwhelment that I wasn't sure how to handle.  Now that I have a better understanding of what our emotions are and what they're meant to tell us, I can take it as face value and use my current mood to bring me to a more peaceful, serene and balanced state of well being.  
• I am learning how to let go of things, whether they be of a material or nonphysical nature.  This is a work in process, but I'm looking forward to figuring it out.  I can visualize a clear, uncluttered environment a lot easier now than I ever could before.  I am also giving myself permission to take as much time as is necessary.  I am not imposing limits on myself.  I am setting myself free from expectations.  
• I have completed seven marathons and am currently training for my eighth.  I am most focused on enjoying the training, taking it one day at a time, and looking forward to visiting a new city.  Training for a marathon is a big commitment and it takes lots of time, but it doesn't have to be drudgery, nor should it be.  No one is holding a gun to my head and making me do this.  It's my choice.  If I'm going to take on a 26.2 mile run, I might as well make it as fun and meaningful as I can.  
• I'm staring down the barrel of turning 40.  It doesn't seem to phase me at all.  I don't know what 40 is supposed to look like.  I've seen 40 year olds who look 25 while others look 55.  It's really just a number.  I can say that with a reasonable amount of sincerity.  When I entered my 30's, I couldn't say it with a straight face.  Instead of lamenting that I'm not a twenty (and soon to be thirty) something anymore, I'm celebrating a new decade.  Did you know that women reach their sexual peak in their 40's?  Just thought I'd throw that one in to see if you were still paying attention.
• And finally, the blog itself.  I had one follower in January 2009.  I now have 15.  People in the United States, United Kingdom, Canada and Brazil have viewed my page.  I created a folder in my inbox titled "positive feedback".  Whenever someone sends me a note about how what I wrote resonated with them in a strong way, I save it.  And there are days, where I really need to immerse myself in all that flattery and praise.  It makes me feel good to know that people enjoy what and how I write.  I take a lot of pride in that.

In closing, let me say thank you to everyone who has contributed in some way.  Maybe you starred in one of my stories, like Christine, John and Ted or perhaps you are a frequent commenter who cares and genuinely looks forward to the next post, and the next, and the next.  It's been fun and therapeutic for me to communicate in this way and I'm happy to see it's taken off.  I look forward to creating another 100 posts and connecting with more people all around the world. 

"We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures." -- Thornton Wilder

Three Decades, Two Sides and One Country

(I-Feel-Like-I'm-Fixin'-To-Die-Rag by Country Joe and the Fish)

I've always been somewhat interested in the 60's/70's and hippie culture, even if I playfully poke fun by referring to them as tree huggers, dirt worshippers and birkenstock wearers (it's all in good fun, really).  My Uncle Lou was a self-professed member of the counterculture, having attended Monterey Pop in 1967, Woodstock in 1969 and sported hair so long, it practically went down to his waist.  I used to have chats with him when I was a teenager about what it must have been like to be around in the midst of so much social change.  As I've mentioned, I REALLY love music.  It's no wonder that I'm more than a little fascinated since so much important folk/rock/pop music was born during this time.

This past Saturday, I was relaxing at home, just reading my kindle and chilling out.  My husband came home from work around 2 p.m. and turned the television on (it's his way of unwinding).  After flipping channels for a little bit, he settled on Woodstock:  Now and Then, which is a documentary that was released to commemorate the 40th anniversary of the three-day festival in Bethel, NY.  I found myself watching the tv screen more and the screen to my e-reader less.  After about 45 minutes of this, I finally put the kindle aside and gave the show my undivided attention.

If you've never seen footage from Woodstock or heard the stories of some of the +/- 500,000 attendees, it's worth watching (it's a co-production of VH1 and the History Channel, so you're bound to catch it on one of these channels, particularly around August, the month the festival was held).  There are lots of good behind-the-scenes stuff from the organizers of the festival as well as recollections from the musicians who performed.  The Country Joe and the Fish tune in particular, (which was a huge anti-Vietnam War protest song) got me thinking a little about history.

About Vietnam, mostly.

I realized that, at the age of 39, I didn't really KNOW much about it.  I was born at the tail end of 1971 and didn't start school until 1976.  The war was over by then.  The textbooks I used in junior high and high school, at least to my recollection, didn't contain a whole lot about that particular period.  Maybe it was because it was "too recent" to be included.  I don't know how often books are updated/replaced in schools.

That could probably be a whole other blog post right there.

Anyway, it had aroused my curiosity.  Why it hadn't before now, I can't say.  When popular films that chronicled aspects of Vietnam like "Platoon" and "Hamburger Hill" were released in the mid to late 80's, I was not standing in line at the theater to see them.  They were both rated "R" and I wasn't old enough to get in anyway.  Even if I could have, I'm still not sure I would.  I never really enjoyed watching war movies.  Watching the media sensationalize events is one thing, but learning about how, where and why the war started is another.

So, I decided to give myself a little history lesson.  Before I started the reeducation of Cyndi Lou, I wrote down what I currently knew about the Vietnam War:

1)  There was a draft.

2)  There were draft dodgers who fled to Canada.

3)  Some people thought we shouldn't have been over there; that it wasn't our war to fight.


4)  Veterans were not given a heroes welcome upon returning to the states (probably because of #3).

5)  It started in the 60's and ended in the early 70's.  I think.



Now do you understand why I needed to do a little reading?  Not a whole lot there, huh?

As much as I am a retro girl and wave the flag of nostalgia, I also embrace the information/technology age in which I'm fortunate to live.  Instead of making a pilgrimage to my local library and burying myself in microfiche and encyclopedias, I can just type in "Vietnam War" in my Google Search Engine.

Which is exactly what I did.


In less than one second, it had found 36,300,000 results.  Pretty impressive.

Whenever I want to get more information about something, I go to Wikipedia.  It was the first link listed in the search results, so I'm sure I'm not alone in that choice.  I read that link first.  Here, I learned that the Vietnam War actually spanned almost twenty years.  It began as a Cold War era military conflict that occurred in Vietnam, Laos and Cambodia.  It was fought between North Vietnam, supported by its communist allies, and South Vietnam, supported by the United States (and other anti-communist nations).  To quote wikipedia:


"The U.S. government viewed involvement in the war as a way to prevent a communist takeover of South Vietnam and part of their wider strategy of containment. The North Vietnamese government viewed the war as a colonial war, fought initially against France, backed by the U.S., and later against South Vietnam, which it regarded as a U.S. puppet state."



I have to confess that I didn't know what the "wider strategy of containment" was, so, back to wiki I went:

"Containment was a United States policy using military, economic, and diplomatic strategies to stall the spread of communism, enhance America’s security and influence abroad, and prevent a "domino effect". A component of the Cold War, this policy was a response to a series of moves by the Soviet Union to enlarge communist influence in Eastern Europe, China, Korea, and Vietnam. It represented a middle-ground position between détente and rollback. The basis of the doctrine was articulated in a 1946 cable by U.S. diplomat George F. Kennan. As a description of U.S. foreign policy, the word originated in a report Kennan submitted to Defense Secretary James Forrestal in 1947, a report that was later dominated as a magazine article. It is a translation of the French cordon sanitaire, used to describe Western policy toward the Soviet Union in the 1920s."

Ah, okay.  Now, I'm starting to get it.

I read about North Vietnam, the Viet Cong, and Ho Chi Minh.  I learned that our involvement with the conflict began to escalate in the early 1960's and ended in August of 1973 due to the passing of the Case-Church Amendment by Congress.  This piece of legislation "prohibited further U.S. military activity in Vietnam, Laos and Cambodia. This ended direct U.S. military involvement in the Vietnam War, although the U.S. continued to provide military equipment and economic support to the South Vietnamese government."  The war officially ended on April 30, 1975 when the North Vietnamese army captured Saigon, South Vietnam's capital.  North and South Vietnam were reuinfied the following year.

These are the facts I unearthed.  I learned the "how", and the "where" of the Vietnam War, which were two out of the three points of my research.

The "why" is not so easy to answer.  Some say it was to protect the people of South Vietnam.  On the flip side, a memorandum prepared by Assistant Secretary of Defense for Secretary McNamara (with an eyes-only copy to George Bundy) on US War aims: 70% to preserve our national honor,; 20% to keep South VN territory from being occupied by the Chinese; and 10% to the South VN to enjoy a better and freer way of life" (thank you, Wikipedia).



There will never be total agreement on a topic such as war, particularly one such as this.  So why revisit it?  Why talk about it?  What can possibly be gained?

To me, it's just another example of creating through contrast.  People in the 60's saw something they did not want:  WAR.  Sometimes, knowing what you don't want helps you to become clearer about what it is that you do want.  If you don't want war, you want peace; if you don't want hate you want love.

So, they focused on peace.  They gave their attention to love.

These pioneers created some pretty amazing music.  They drew their inspiration from the events of the day and used their creation to counterbalance all the politics and issues of control that surrounded the country of Vietnam while participating in a movement that has it's own important place in our history:  the peaceful gathering of a half million people on Max Yasgur's Farm.  They couldn't control the war, but they could come together and celebrate life.

I'm glad I read up on this topic.  It helped me understand the war a little better, but it also put things in perspective for me.  It also showed me just how far we have come.  When our military brothers and sisters came home from the Vietnam War, some of whom were wounded/disabled, they weren't shown the love and support that our troops get today.  In some cases, they were spat upon and disrespected.  I don't see that kind of thing happening now.  People that have been serving in Iraq and Afghanistan are welcomed home with open arms.  Not a day goes by where I don't see a "support our troops" bumper sticker that proudly displays a yellow ribbon.  Had we not gone through Vietnam, this might not be the case.

What started as a desire to learn culminated in a feeling of peace, acceptance and appreciation.

I wonder if that's what Woodstock felt like.

"I see light at the end of the tunnel." -- Walt W. Rostow, National Security Adviser, Dec. 1967

No "News" is Good News. Or IS it?

"It's the menace that everyone loves to hate but can't seem to live without." -- Paddy Chayevsky

As you may or may not remember, I decided not to voluntarily tune into the news anymore about a year or two ago.  This decision is strictly my own, that is to say that my husband still watches it every morning. 

Which is fine.  It's that whole "live and let live" thing that I'm working on.  Just because I choose not to watch it doesn't mean everyone around me has to follow suit.  The reason why I mention this is because, since we live together, I am sometimes in the proximity of the broadcast.  I may not be "watching it" but, as we know, sound travels. 

I hear stuff.

Because I don't tune in on the regular, I'm not up on the day to day.  However, when "news breaks", it's kind of hard to completely get away from it.  Take the capture of Whitey Bulger for example.  It was all people could talk about for days.  Unless you live like a hermit, you're going to hear the big doings that are going on in the world.

People love to talk current events.  That's just how our society is.

The Casey Anthony trial also comes to mind.  Let me emphasize that I did not follow the trial, nor am I privy to the ins and outs of the case.  All I know is she was arrested and tried for the murder of her 2 year old daughter, Caylee. 

That's all I know.

Well, the verdict came down this week, and it didn't sit well with a lot of people.  From what I've gleaned, it should have been an "open and shut" case, meaning that she did it and got off.

I can't confirm or deny that assertion.

This is a very sensitive issue for people.  May I once again say that I did not watch the media coverage, therefore, I'm not qualified to offer an opinion on WHETHER OR NOT SHE DID IT. 

Nor do I want to.  In fact, I don't think I want to talk about it at all.

Talking about it won't bring Caylee back and it won't change the verdict from not guilty to guilty, if in fact that is the appropriate judgement.  Talking about it prolongs the agony of the tragic death of a two year old girl.  Talking about it gives more power to the media to rent space in our heads that could be used for loving others and channeling our energy in a way that can effect positive change.

Perhaps that IS the true power of the press.  It's there to point out all the "undesirable stories", so we're more aware and can then focus ourselves on all the good things that we do want.  We can combat hate with love, violence with peace, and intolerance with acceptance. 

My decision to disengage from this topic is mine and mine alone.  Some of my friends and family do not share my opinion, nor do I share theirs, and that is okay with me.  Everyone processes their feelings differently.  We fear what we don't understand and the coping mechanisms associated with that vary from person to person. 

So, in memory of Caylee Anthony, I'm going to express as much love and appreciation for all children.  I will focus on what I can control instead of what I can't.  I'll allow her short life to inspire me to appreciate the exuberance, innocence and joy that is in a child. 

And I plan on doing that every chance I get.  For Caylee.  For all little ones.

"While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about." -- Angela Schwindt

Battle of the Sexes: Extreme Ab Challenge

A few days ago, I received an invite on facebook from my friend, Sheryl, to a public event called Battle of the Sexes:  Extreme Ab Challenge.  I clicked on the link and read this excerpt:

The Battle of the Sexes 6,000 Sit-Up/Crunch Challenge starts JULY 1st! The idea is to do 6,000 sit-ups.crunches in ONE MONTH! Ideally this means that you'll do about 200 each day and you can break them up into whatever is a manageable amount for you. I plan on doing 100 in the morning and 100 more at night, but some people might need to break that down and do sets of 50 throughout the day. You can do sit-ups or crunches and you can vary the position ( ie, feet on the ground or up in the air).....the point is that you get down and DO THEM!!

The administrator of this event also went on to say that this challenge is NOT designed to get you a six-pack in 31 days (that won't happen just by doing ab work), which I agree with.  It's just a little healthy competition to get you committed to something that could be construed as "good for you".

 (Now THAT'S my idea of a 6-pack.)

In order to keep track, he suggests posting your running total at the beginning of your facebook status.  At the end of the month, all participants send him the total and he sees who "reigns supreme" (his words, not mine):  the men or the women; hence the "Battle of the Sexes" moniker.


Okay, now, I am going to let you in on a little secret.  

I do not enjoy ab work.  At all.

Yes, I'm a fitness professional and have been training clients and instructing group fitness classes since 1993.  I have no issue whatsoever telling other people to work their abs, however, it is my LEAST favorite body part to train.  I won't say I "hate" doing abs, since my mother always told me that hate is a very strong word.  Sooooooooooo, I'll just say that I "strongly dislike" them.  Very strongly.



Besides, this whole idea flies in the face of my personal trainer philosophy.  I don't believe it's necessary, or effective, to train one body part EVERY SINGLE DAY.  You wouldn't do bicep curls every day, would you?  Or bench presses?  So, why would you do it with your abdominals?  Somewhere along the line, maybe sandwiched inbetween the "no pain, no gain" battle cry and that low carb nonsense, we picked up the notion that this particular muscle group was the exception to the rule and that it needed, or could be, worked every day.


Despite my disenchantment with ab training AND the fact that I disagree with training any body part more than 2-3 times per week on non-consecutive days, I'm doing it.


Why?


Well, because, truly, I like a challenge.  I am not expecting any physical gains from it, necessarily, and I don't think that is the point.  I'm doing it to see if I can make friends with my abs once and for all.  I have 31 days to find a way to love spinal flexion and spinal rotation.  Maybe the plank will replace the push-up as my new favorite exercise of all time.


Honestly, I don't think that will happen, but I said the same thing about running once upon a time.  I swore I'd only run if "someone was chasing me".

Seven marathons later, here I am.


After work today, I'm going to run 10 miles, and then start my daily habit of 200 crunches/sit-ups/whatevers.  


Care to join me?

My Hometown: Plaistow 5K Race Report

"Last night I sat him up behind the wheel and said son take a good look around.  This is your hometown."
-- Bruce Springsteen

On June 28, 2003, I ran my first ever road race:  The 23rd Annual Plaistow Old Home Day 5K.  My official time was 25:14.  I paced off of my friend, Sue Wentworth (who taught me an awful lot about running):

http://www.coolrunning.com/results/03/nh/Jun28_23rdAn_set1.shtml

I received my first running trophy EVER at this race for 1st place NOVICE female.  Imagine that?  Not bad for a first timer.

 

I've done numerous 5K's, 5 milers, 1/2 marathons and marathons since that day.  This is the only race that I have done every year, without fail.  It's special for a couple of reasons.  First, it's the anniversary of my introduction into road racing.  Secondly, it's in Plaistow, NH, the place I have called home for over 17 years now.  But, it's not just about a 5K.  It is part of the Plaistow Old Home Days, which celebrates the town.  You can read more about it here:

http://www.plaistowoldhomeday.net

It's like a slice of small-town America, which is really neat.  There is a parade that happens on Old Home Day, right around 2 p.m.  The route goes right by my street, so my neighbors and I always take chairs down to the end of the road and watch the fire trucks, police cars, Shriners and marching bands.  It lasts for about an hour and is always lots of fun.

The 5K was this past Saturday, 6/25/11.  My friends Gina, Christina, Matt and his sister, Jillian, joined me for the race this year (I like to travel with a posse).  The weather was very sketchy at first.  I awoke to the loud, booming sound of thunderstorms around 5:30 a.m.  I had heard we may have some wet weather, but that it should clear up enough by the time the gun went off at 9.  Everyone arrived at my house between 7:30 and 7:45.  The thunder and lightning had pretty much ceased, but the rain was still falling, moderately at times.  However, runners are a tough bunch.  It would take a lot more than a little rain to keep us from getting out there.

I live less than 1/2 mile from the finish line of the 5K, which is the location of the town hall.  We walked down to pick up our t-shirts & bibs.  The benefit of being so close is we could bring everything back to my place, take care of our last minute "bathroom business" and then leave from my house to do our warm-up.  Matt, Christina and I went out to run 16-18 easy minutes.  Gina and Jillian decided they'd just walk back down.  After our respective warm-ups, we met up at the starting line with about 10-15 minutes to spare.  As we all congregated at the start line, we were asking each other about time goals for the 5K.  I hadn't done a race this short in distance since July 2010.  I had done a couple high intensity track workouts with my friend, Leigh, prior to this weekend, but have been in total marathon mode, racking up 50 mile weeks and focusing on long runs.  Matt said he wanted to break 23 minutes so, in the back of my head, I figured I could use him as a pace car.

We wished each other well and got ready to run.  The gun went off at 9:02 and so did we.  Now, normally when I run, I do not pay attention.  I've done many races where people will ask me, "so what was the course like?"  And I just look at them, blankly, while shrugging my shoulders.  This is the one exception to the rule.  These are roads that I train on ALL the time.  I've run on them several times a week for the past 8.5 years.  I knew exactly what to expect and the nature of the course.  The first mile is flat to downhill, second mile is more uphill and the third mile is mostly flat to downhill.  I checked my split at the 1M marker:  7:05.  I was huffing and puffing, but my legs felt strong.  I could still see Matt, which was a relief.  As I mentioned, the middle mile is a bit challenging because it's a gradual incline that doesn't provide much in the way of recovery.  It's almost like a false flat at times.  You don't really SEE the hills, but you can FEEL them.  At the top of West Pine was the 2M marker:  7:09.  Only 1.1 miles to the finish.  I knew the first .2 of the last full mile was still a gradual climb, but that a .5 mile gradual downhill awaited me on the other side.  It was around this time that I closed the gap and ran slightly off of Matt's right shoulder.  Sensing my presence, he gave me a thumbs up.  I returned the gesture and focused on the task at hand:  getting to that finish line.

It couldn't have gone any better.  And the best part is, we didn't plan it that way at all.  I would edge out in front a bit, then he would take the lead for a little while.  We went back and forth this way until the last tenth of a mile.  We turned it on here as best we could and came through the corral.  High fiving each other, we walked it out for a bit, trying to catch our breath.  Christina, Jillian and Gina came in shortly afterward.  We all had pretty good days and, oddly enough, it ended up being near perfect running weather; cool and cloudy with a light mist/drizzle that fell in the first half mile.

After Matt, Christina and I went on our cool-down run, the preliminary race results were posted.  Matt ran a 22:23 and I clocked in at 22:25, only four seconds slower than my 2010 Plaistow time.  Here is the link for the 2011 race results:

 

http://www.coolrunning.com/results/11/nh/Jun25_31thPl_set1.shtml

I was quite pleased, considering I really didn't know what to expect.  I had been in kind of a "racing funk" for a while.  Taking some time off and just focusing on training runs seemed to help.  Now, I'm excited about the summer racing season again and am already looking towards my next race; a 5K on Sunday, July 10th in Wakefield, MA.

It's always nice to run well and finish strong, no matter where I race, but when it's in your hometown, it's even more meaningful.  Since 2005, I've been able to finish in the top four of my age group.  This year, I placed 2nd in the F20-39 division.  I'll be turning 40 in December, so to celebrate my last year with an age group award was very special.  Another piece of hardware for the collection:

Thanks to my friends, Christina, Gina, Matt and Jillian, for sharing this special event with me, the Plaistow Lions Club for organizing this event and the Town of Plaistow, for all you do in making Old Home Days special and fun.

See you next year...in the MASTERS DIVISION!!!!

Things I'd Say if I Was On Twitter

That's not entirely true.

Technically, I DO have a twitter account.  Someone must have sent me an invite to join at some point and I just said, "ah, what the hell." 

I can't tell you the last time I "tweeted".  In fact, it's been so long, I don't even think I remember my password.  I couldn't "tweet" if I wanted to, most likely.

But, every now and again, I'll get emails telling me that "so and so is following you" on Twitter.  Those poor bastards.  They must be SOOOOOOOOO bored with me.

However, facebook is a different story.  I've logged on to that site daily for, well, as long as I've had a page.  Like 40 is the new 20, facebook is the new myspace.  Seems like EVERYONE has their own facebook account now.  I used to be a rabid Mafia Wars player, so I spent a ton of time on there for that purpose.  Now, I just check in everyday to see what everyone is up to.  I'll post youtube vids, links I find useful and the occasional "what's on my mind".  At the risk of pissing off the +/- 400 friends that I have accumulated, I try to limit the status updates to 1-2x's a day, unless it's something that's WICKED important.  After all, I might be tickled about the cocoa krispies I had for breakfast but, quite frankly, I don't think anyone else really cares.

This is where the whole "tweeting" thing would come in handy.  If you're "following" me, then you must want to know what I'm up to.  The good, the bad AND the ugly.   The interesting and the mundane. 

Right? 

Just today, I had a flood of one-three line phrases that just sailed in and out of my head.  We'll call them "the tweets that never were":


Confirmation that I'm not adopted:  Today I opened up my mouth and heard my mother.  It was like I was CHANNELING her.  Can you channel people who are still living?

I crack myself up all the time.  I don't think anyone else finds me as funny as I find myself.  Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be.

Today, I actually opted to listen to "Me and Julio Down By the Schoolyard" by Paul Simon instead of "All I Want is You" by U2 on my drive home.  I'm still not sure what that was about.

A breaker must have tripped over the weekend, resulting in the treadmill's built-in televisions not working.  This was for the first two hours we were open.  Major TRAUMA for the members.  People just don't how to walk, jog or run anymore unless they're watching VH1 or The Food Network.

No running for me since Mondays are my rest day.  At first I thought it was a waste to skip it on such a beautiful day.  Then, common sense took over and I decided sitting outside with a glass of wine would be just as good.  Plus, my mascara won't run.

I'd like to seamlessly transition from heartbreak to friendly appreciation without detouring down Apathy Avenue.  Hate gets a bad rap.  You don't "hate" someone that you still don't care for in some way.  It's impossible.  But, to not care if someone lives or dies is a completely different story. 

Two of the clients I trained today were men.  I crammed as much stuff as I possibly could into their 30 minute sessions, thinking I was doing them a favor.  Between the frequent water breaks, profuse sweating and pauses to catch their breath, I may have overdone it.  Just a wee bit.

One of our members, who is dealing with the onset of dementia, came out of the locker room today, asking my boss for help to turn the shower on.  After patiently explaining to him that she could not go in the men's locker room to turn it on for him, she found a male in the weightroom to help.  Hell, we're just glad he remembered to put his pants back on before he came out to ask.

People feel the need to justify why they "can't" do something.  Can't?  More like "won't".  You know, it's okay to just admit you either a) don't like it or b) have no interest in learning.  There is no reason to construct an elaborate scenario.  I've worked in fitness since 1993 and have tried everything from step to spinning.  However, you won't catch me in a Zumba class.  EVER.  No thanks.  Not interested.  End of story.

And, finally:

I had Cocoa Krispies for breakfast this morning.  They were DELICIOUS.

A little bit of this...a little bit of that

"You learn something every day if you pay attention." -- Ray LeBlond


Nothing feels as good as paying someone else a compliment.  I sent an email to two of my class participants this morning, letting them both know how proud I was of the progress they have made on their path to health and wellness.  I received a reply from one of them shortly after that was just GUSHING with appreciation.  People love compliments, especially when they're true.  But, the best part?  How you'll FEEL by making someone else's day.  You end up really making your own.  I'm still smiling.  :-)

Some of the best things in my life have come out of heartbreak and disappointment.  Remember when your first love broke your heart?  I know I do.  You swore you'd never get over it.  I know I did.  But you and I both did.  When you're in the midst of a very troubling and traumatic experience, it's practically impossible to know that this will turn out alright in the end.  But it does.  It always does.  When you are able to look back and bless the contrast instead of curse it, you will know it has served you well.

I love professional sports.  New England has been my place of residence since November 1979, so I'm a total homer:  New England Patriots, Boston Bruins, Boston Red Sox and Boston Celtics, in that order (Basketball just...doesn't really do it for me, I confess.  Plus everyone travels.  Just sayin'.).  So, you can imagine how excited I was to see the Boston Bruins win their FIRST Stanley Cup since 1972.  I am very happy the Bruins won.  However, I am NOT happy that the Vancouver Canucks lost, nor do I think it's right or fair to criticize the fans, some of whom decided to start rioting and acting destructive.  No one, or place, is immune to that kind of behavior.  Who is to say that some folks in and around Boston wouldn't have reacted similarly if we didn't have the best goaltender in the NHL?  I love my home, but I'm not going to hate on others.  I feel we can all benefit from practicing good sportsmanship by respecting your opponent.

Running has taught me so much.  It has taught me to pace myself on the road, but also in life.  I've learned, through this fine art of movement, to go with the flow and take what it, and life, gives me.  Running has also taught me to appreciate the underrated experience of SOLITUDE.  I'm an extroverted person, by nature, and always surrounded myself with people, in work and in play.  The more I got serious about my training, the more I found myself pounding the pavement alone.  Instead of feeling lonely, I felt rejuvenated and learned I really liked my own company; I began to look forward to my solo runs.  I still enjoy personal relationships and socializing with others.  But, I love my "me" time too.  It's become essential to my well-being.  

I believe it feels good to accept, appreciate and love.  It doesn't feel good to criticize, judge and condemn.  Does that mean I'm better, more enlightened or smarter than anyone else?  No.  It only means that I'm paying attention.  Not sure if you're saying or doing the "right thing"?  Stop for a moment.  How does it FEEL?  Does putting someone else down make you smile?  How about refusing to accept the choices someone makes?  Does that make your heart sing?  That's it.  That's all you need to do.  It's a lot easier than we think to be tuned in.  Let your emotions be your guide.

Being a chick can be fun.  I like getting all prettied up as much as the next person (hence my shoe posts on facebook), but I find I don't always make it a priority.  I get massages once a month and facials every twelve weeks, but those are more for therapeutic/medicinal purposes.  A full body 90 minute session with the MT really helps me stay injury free and relaxed, which is important when you train for marathons.  The facials are essential to keeping my skin healthy (I had cystic acne in high school and college, but you would never know it because my esthetician is just that AWESOME).  However, I haven't had my hair done since FEBRUARY.  It's now the middle of JUNE.  So, I decided to go all out and scheduled a hair appointment AND a pedicure for myself this Saturday.  That's....tomorrow.  Here's hoping all of my toenails have grown back in by then.
 
I like eating salad, drinking lots of water and exercising (obviously).  I also enjoy eating pizza, drinking wine and sitting on my a$$ watching football.  There is room for everything in life.  I think it's okay to be healthy by being a little "unhealthy" from time to time.  We have grown accustomed to conditions, limits and rules, to a fault.  The fitness industry is a great one in which to work, but I don't always align with it.  It can be preachy, judgmental and rigid, prone to an "all or nothing" mentality.  I wonder if sometimes, people NEED to be restricted and scared straight because they just don't trust themselves to do the "right" thing which, incidentally, will not be the same thing for everyone.  I don't want to beat people down and shame them into changing their behavior.  I just want to help people learn how to love movement and, well, just to feel good about who they are. 

I'll drink to that.

"I have found that if you love life, life will love you back." -- Arthur Rubinstein

Cyndi Springford's Top Ten

"Music is what feelings sound like." -- Author Unknown

I can't imagine a day without music.  It's been a part of my daily life for as long as I can remember. 

Music can transport you back to a moment in time, like magic.  Ever heard a song that reminded you of something or someone?  All of a sudden, you smell the smells, you feel the feelings, and you experience it again.

Pretty powerful stuff. 

One of the best inventions, IMHO, is the iPod.  I have an old school 8GB Nano that I use for classes, running and hanging around the house.  According to my iTunes library, I have 12 days worth of music.  I can listen to music for about 288 consecutive hours and not hear the same song twice.

Yes, I'm a bit of a fanatic.

Aside from using playlists for certain occasions, like spinning or muscle classes, I enjoy just putting the iPod on shuffle and letting the chips, or songs, fall as they may.  It's a random kind of thing.

Or IS it???

Sometimes, I think the iPod has a mind and a personality of its own.  It definitely seems to have it's own "go to" list of songs it likes to pick out.  Then again, there are other times, when it seems to zone in on my own brainwaves and selects the tunes that speak to my mood.  Thanks to modern technology, I can actually go into my iTunes Library and see how many times each song was played. 

So, without further ado, I give you Cyndi Springford's Top Ten iPod Songs:

10)  Smack My B***h Up -- Prodigy.  Okay, so they say a bad word.  Or maybe they're just talking about a female dog.  But, I doubt it.  Every now and again, I try to sneak it into one of my classes to see if anyone notices what they're saying.  I like the aggressive, techno beat a LOT.  So does my iPod.  It's been played 128 times. 

09)  Sound of Settling -- Death Cab For Cutie.  Talk about musical whiplash, going from Prodigy to this.  But, then again, variety is the spice of life.  Benjamin Gibbard's voice is smooth as silk (and he's a sub 4 hour marathoner, just in case you didn't know).  This jaunty lil' nugget is only two minutes and 17 seconds long, but it's pure perfection.  I can't stop bouncing up and down whenever I hear it.  And, according to Apple, I've also heard this tune 128 times.

08)  Pump It Up -- Elvis Costello.  I think Elvis (aka Declan McManus) and I were lovers in a previous life.  Or maybe I'm just obsessed.  Who says women don't make passes at men who wear glasses???  His songs always "get me right here", whether it be his upbeat, angst ridden compositions or the heartwrenching ballads he's so adept at crafting.  Cyndilou's iPod has selected this anthem 136 times.  I have no doubt I can listen to it 136 times more.

07)  What's So Funny 'Bout Peace, Love and Undestanding -- Elvis Costello.  After my declaration of undying devotion, are you REALLY surprised that EC is doing double duty in my Top Ten?  I should say not.  This is my FAVORITE Elvis song.  Kind of ironic, since it was written by Nick Lowe.  But, I think this is the version that everyone knows best.  And I know it alright.  Like "Pump It Up", I've heard it 136 times. 

06)  Bang On! -- The Propellerheads.  This is a GREAT tune to run, spin, and lift weights to and, well, I guess just about anything else that gets your heart rate up and blood pumping.  I heard this song in my friend, Ned's, spinning class years ago and loved it instantly.  It's got a good driving beat.  I don't have an extensive electronic collection, but if this is any representation of the genre, I just might expand it some.  The iPod likes this enough to play it 147 times.  Well, we both do.

05)  Bled For Days -- Static-X.  I know it's hard to believe that a petite, delicate flower such as myself would like something as down and dirty as this, but I do (hope you got your boots on, 'cause I'm layin' it on pretty thick here).  I love the guitars.  I love the screaming.  I love the rapid fire spewing forth of lyrics.  153 times and counting.  Fasten your seat belt, folks. 

04)  Starlight -- Muse.  These guys formed their band back in 1994, but it seems like they really burst on the scene just a few short years ago.  And in those few short years, they have taken the music world by storm.  This is a perfect example of music's power to transport you back in time.  Whenever I hear it, I'm reminded of a time in my life where I was just starting to come into my own.  It's also a beautiful song that the iPod and I have enjoyed 155 times.

03)  Hip Hop (Rock Remix) -- Static-X.  The wild and crazy guys are back at it again, bringing us rap and rock fusion at its finest.  161 glorious eargasms here.  I have to stifle a giggle when I look at the genre that Apple has assigned to this tune:  Power Ballad.  Not exactly what I'd call it, but what do I know?  What do you think?

02)  Machete -- Moby.  Speaking of electronic, I bow to the greatness that is Moby.  I actually won tickets to see him perform at the House of Blues in Boston a couple of years ago.  I liked him before, but loved him after.  He is a musical genius:  sings and plays keyboard, guitar, bass guitar and drums.  Talk about a one man band.  I love this song for spinning and 5K's.  I guess I run and spin an lot.  167 listens for song number two.

Now, the moment you've been waiting for...

The NUMBER ONE iPod SONG, with 172 plays IS:

01)  Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck -- Prong.  You may not know this about me, but I was a TOTAL metalhead in high school.  Those of you who are friends with me on facebook have seen my wild and crazy 80's outfits, with all the bandanas, leather boots and jacket and big hair.  My outfits were a hybrid of Fredericks' of Hollywood and Motortrend.  Okay, maybe I exaggerate a little.  Let me say that you can take the girl out of the teen metal years, but you can't take the teen metal years out of the girl.  I pride myself on diversity, but there's just something about a song that just makes you wanna jump around like an escaped mental patient. 

What are YOUR Top Ten Songs?
"Life is one grand, sweet song, so start the music." -- Ronald Reagan