To Me, With Love

Dear Cyndi:

Hello, it's me.  Your oldest and dearest friend checking in.

I'm your Inner Being.  And it's time we had a little chat.

You see, I've been with you from the very beginning.  I was there for your first cry, your first steps, your first words. 

I'm that small, quiet voice deep down inside that you have to get really still to hear.  Sometimes, you might hear me.  Sometimes, it's just chatter. 

But, rest assured, I'm there and have been throughout your entire life.

And, speaking of life, boy, have you lived a lot of stuff.

There's been laughter and sadness, joy and tears, fear and courage, confusion and understanding.  I know you've had some rough patches.  Like that time your babysitter hurt you and you felt like you couldn't tell anyone.  But, I knew.  And I held the hand of that little girl who wasn't yet mature enough to make sense of it all. 

I watched you struggle as you experienced mental illness and divorce in your family.  You got knocked down and I picked you back up again.  I've seen you strive and work for people to love you; to notice you; to convince you of your worthiness.  Getting those good grades, winning those spelling bees, just trying to BE something special.

But, I never questioned it.  You've always been beautiful and worthy.  Special. 

And I just kept waiting.  Waiting for you to know it too.

You have gone from a 168 lb. person who hated exercise and, sometimes, herself, to someone who has lost excess weight along with the excess baggage.  Not only have you gotten thinner and healthier, but you have become an athlete who is on the verge of running her third Boston Marathon in four years.

So proud.  Can you feel it too, Cyndi?

Here's the thing.  I want you to celebrate YOU.  Last year, when you ran the Atlantic City Marathon, you dedicated each mile of the marathon to someone special that you knew.  You always like to involve yourself with other people.  You are a born teacher who is meant to help others.  But, there have been moments where you bury yourself in other people's lives and issues so you don't have to live your own.  You'll encourage others to be all that they can be, yet you doubt yourself.

No more.

This one's for you, girl.  Boston 2011 is all about you.  It's time to stand up and be proud of all you have become.  You are going to be your own inspiration this year.  Like I said, you've lived a lot of life.  At times, it seemed like the circumstances were less than ideal.

Yet, you survived.  You even referred to yourself as a survivor.

Well, it's not enough anymore to "just survive".  It's time to thrive.  You are a THRIVER.  There is nothing left to work, struggle or fight for.

Just let go. 
Relax. 
And let it come. 

Realize the fullness of all that you have wanted and created.  It's waiting for you.

There is nothing to prove and no expectations to meet.  You don't have to earn your worthiness, Cyndi.  You just have to claim it. 

It's time, don't you think?

I'm rooting for you.

With love,
Me