I'm not sleeping.
This battle cry from the one and only Bono has been my mantra for the past few days.
Friday night (or was it Saturday morning???) I woke up and stared at the ceiling for a good, long while. Saturday night was better. Sunday was sleepless. Completely sleepless. I finally waved the flag at 2 a.m. and got out of bed to camp out on the couch. I had to be at work by 6:30 a.m. I kept doing the whole "sleep countdown" to myself: If I fall asleep NOW, I can get 3 solid hours of sleep. An hour later, it was: If I fall asleep NOW and go to work in my pajamas, I can get 2.5.
On and on it went.
Why am I up?
I'll tell you why I'm NOT up. It's certainly not because I'm an infomercial junkie. Talk about advertising a plethora of useless stuff I couldn't possibly use or fit in my house. There is a REASON they put those things on television between midnight and 6 a.m. Because, with the exception of third shifters and nursing mothers, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ASLEEP, DAMMIT!!!
Since shut-eye eluded me on Sunday, which is a school night, conventional wisdom suggested using a sick day for Monday. First of all, Mondays are challenging enough. Couple one of those suckers with no sleep and I don't need to tell you what that can do to a person. So, I let my fingers do the walking and left a voice mail in my finest sexy no sleep voice, letting my boss know I'd be out.
I spent the day in my Vicki's bathrobe, wrapped up in my favorite Patriots fleece blanket, watching daytime television, thanking the Big Guy upstairs that I was gainfully employed (however, it beats the crap out of twilight infomercials selling ab belts and eye cream). You'd think that I would have crashed and crashed hard. Nope. I got caught up in reruns of The Jeffersons, Amen, Marcus Welby and Quincy.
Seriously. This is what my life has come to, ladies and gentlemen.
Right around 3 p.m., when I finally couldn't stand myself anymore, I hopped in the shower, hoping the hot water would invigorate my senses a little bit. Then, I ventured out to the store, in search of a sleep aid. I figured since I barely slept during my unscheduled day off, having a night of deep sleep should be a slam dunk.
I wasn't about to take any chances.
So, I went out and got the big guns: 5 mg of melatonin.
Okay, so it's not Ambien, but I figured it's a start. I didn't think I would need that much of a push since I was going on four days of broken sleep. After dinner, I had a red wine/melatonin cocktail, got in comfy clothes and waited for the magic to happen. I started feeling relaxed, so, at 9 p.m., I said goodnight to my husband and got into bed. I'm guessing it took a good 15-20 minutes, but I did drift off.
Eyes. Wide. OPEN.
Oh, Sleep, why hast thou forsaken me???
I tossed and turned and suffered through another couple of hours of infomercials and Spanish soap operas until, at last, my eyes began to burn. I checked the time on my BlackBerry: 3:30 a.m.
If I fall asleep now....I can get one more hour before the alarm goes off.
At this point, I think the early mornings are stressing out my subconscious. It only takes one or two nights of waking up to plant the seed that you just might not go back to sleep again. And, if you work the early bird shift like I do, then you start to panic if you're awake too long...because you have no margin for error. I can't just stay in bed until I feel rested. I have a gym to open. I have to think, eventually, my body is going to get ticked off at my overactive brain and just shut down. But, until then, I suppose I could help it out, by not worrying. It is what it is. I don't know why I have been waking up. Furthermore, I don't think I really need to know. Just accepting it is this way for the time being is the best thing I can do. Make peace with what is, Cyndi Lou.
So, at 4:30, I awoke to the sweet sounds of Elvis Costello, like I normally do. I sat up in bed, rubbed my eyes and did the most logical thing I could think of.
I hit the snooze button.
Finally, at the blessed hour of 4:45, I was able to get myself out of that bed. And I went to work.
And proceeded to make a GINORMOUS pot of coffee.
Wide awake. I'm wide awake...