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Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Where do you go from here?

Today, I'm deviating from my normal blogging pattern.

I'm not going to talk about races, running for beer, earning jackets, or marathon training.

I just want to share some news and observations.

On Monday morning (7/12), I found out that an old friend of mine had sustained a loss over the weekend. Her husband died.

By his own hand. You see, he shot himself.

At the time, they were separated but had planned on trying to work things out. They also have two children under the age of 13.

When something like this happens, most people say things such as, "how selfish of him!" or "how dare he leave his children like that???" or, maybe even, "what a coward."

I'm not going to say any of those things.

But, I will say that I knew him once upon a time. I always found him to be a friendly, nice, generally good guy. I don't know what kind of a husband he was, nor do I know what kind of a father he was. But, none of that really matters anyway, does it? You can put whatever kind of spin you want on it, really. It does nothing to change what happened. We can say all we want that he didn't have to do this; that there was another way out. But, if he believed that, he'd still be here. Obviously, it was the only way out he saw. It was the way out he chose. Like it or not, that's the truth.

When people die, whether it be due to illness or a suicide, we want so much to make sense of it. We have to pigeonhole, categorize, justify and explain. We have to package it up in a nice, neat, little pile and tie a bow around it. It makes us just FEEL better somehow. I don't know why he did what he did. Even his own family cannot speak for him. The only person that can answer that question isn't here anymore. That's the way it is.

What I do know and what I do believe is that life is supposed to be good for all of us. We are supposed to love and be loved. We should travel a path of joy, happiness and well-being. We should embrace our now and live in the moment, cherishing every second of every single day.

So, I won't label, judge, categorize or blame.

I won't analyze, justify or wallow.

Because it won't bring him back or soothe anyone's pain.


I will smile a little more.
I will hug my loved ones a little tighter.
I will kiss them a little longer.
I will strive to love all people unconditionally.
I will find more things to appreciate and complain less often.
I will live my life in a manner pleasing to myself.
I will follow my bliss.
I will take responsibility for my own happiness.

I will live life to the utmost.

That's where I am going to go from here.

May you now rest in peace, friend.

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